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06/30/2015 02:35:30 PM · #1
...to cook dinner for Gordon Ramsay, who has turned up unexpectedly and is starving for a plateful of good tasty food. It doesn't have to be fancy, though if you have mad cooking skillz of course you can show off. You can only use what you already have in your kitchen - no sending someone out to buy ingredients. The clock starts NOW!

I was going to resurrect the 'What's for dinner?' thread but thought it'd be more fun to change it up a little.

I watch far too many cooking reality shows, and my faves feature that big fire-breathin Scot with an English accent and a face like a Shar-pei. The man is a fantastic chef with sky-high standards and a work ethic that would put to shame an entire Amish village.

So, last night as I made lamb shanks which I blasted in the pressure cooker before braising in red wine/preserved lemons/olive oil/smoked paprika/rosemary-garlic salt, and made sides of asparagus and pasta to go with it, I noticed that everyfink - err, everything, took just under 45 minutes to make. I could've made it harder and tried to do a sauce, which is my big downfall as I never really learned how to make sauces. Usually I just sling some butter and seasoning on stuff and call it a day. Wonder what Ramsay would have made of it?
06/30/2015 02:47:43 PM · #2
I'd microwave some burritos for him. He's the damn chef, he can cook for ME.
06/30/2015 03:07:29 PM · #3
Hmm.

If he showed up without me having time to go shopping, my only option would be to pour him an amazing dram and hope like hell that'll do.

Assuming I had a stocked pantry, I guess I'd throw down on some fusion cuisine, maybe a New Mexico green-chili slaw combined with an amazing fish taco (probably using grouper or swordfish, deep-fried with a VERY light beer-batter), (I'd try a tiny bit of lemon-aioli on this, but I'd have to see how it worked before committing) served with a fresh goat cheese, arugula, and pickled beet&red onion salad - paired with Kendall Jackson Vintner's Reserve chardonnay.

Message edited by author 2015-06-30 15:10:10.
06/30/2015 03:54:41 PM · #4
Not a shopping day and empty pantry, you can bettcha, it will be PB sandwiches and fruit..

But tonight its Chicken Fajitas for us and a salad :-))

of course you can go out in my organic garden and eat straight from there with grapes, strawberries, blackberries, rasberries and make your own salad :-))

Message edited by author 2015-06-30 16:07:39.
06/30/2015 04:41:15 PM · #5
If he shows up today he'll be getting sliders, pan-roasted slow potatoes, and a grilled Romaine salad. That's the best I can do for him from my fridge at the moment.
06/30/2015 04:46:05 PM · #6
ME doing the cooking? One word... Sammich.
06/30/2015 04:47:01 PM · #7
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

If he shows up today he'll be getting sliders, pan-roasted slow potatoes, and a grilled Romaine salad. That's the best I can do for him from my fridge at the moment.


Better hope he doesn't show up tonight, then - start at 1:52
06/30/2015 05:14:10 PM · #8
Tell him to **** and***** off ******
06/30/2015 05:14:56 PM · #9
Ramen noodles....cut up some mushrooms and what ever veggies I can find....throw it all together.....dessert tell him to pick it up at baskin robbins
06/30/2015 05:30:11 PM · #10
Grill some chicken on my Forman, slap some instant mashed potatoes together and open up a can of green beans. Then tell him, eat it or make something yourself... ;)
06/30/2015 05:48:14 PM · #11
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

If he shows up today he'll be getting sliders, pan-roasted slow potatoes, and a grilled Romaine salad. That's the best I can do for him from my fridge at the moment.


I'm going to Robert's house. The rest of you can ******* and *****.

Message edited by author 2015-06-30 17:48:41.
06/30/2015 06:07:29 PM · #12
Is that that screaming piece of .... that I see on TV once in a while.

I would cook Nada for him and if he spoke to me the way he speaks to his underlings he might end up having to find someone to unlodge my boot from his arse.

I don't like him much.

Ray
06/30/2015 06:22:21 PM · #13
I never understood why he was going off on the grilled lettuce as it's done in quite a few high end restos (including Bear's place). I know it's upped for TV, but really? He's got wilted lettuce recipes floating around, so why SMH on grilled romaine?

Originally posted by EstimatedEyes:

Originally posted by Bear_Music:

If he shows up today he'll be getting sliders, pan-roasted slow potatoes, and a grilled Romaine salad. That's the best I can do for him from my fridge at the moment.


Better hope he doesn't show up tonight, then - start at 1:52
06/30/2015 06:58:30 PM · #14
Wow, good variety of responses! I was expecting to have to add a couple of caveats, like being *allowed* to use canned and frozen food, which as most know, he truly abhors in a resto...but you're cooking at home, for him, so I'm sure as long as you're not charging for the meal then he may be able to tolerate it.

After all, I didn't get my lambshanks fresh, they were frozen. Nor did I make the pasta from scratch. I certainly didn't make the paprika or stomp grapes for the wine braise, though I did make the preserved lemons. But at least my asparagus is both fresh and in season :-) And on other cooking shows, like Top Chef and Chopped, they often let the chefs use what they like, along with the required ingredients.

BTW...just curious...has anyone ever seen fresh water chestnuts? Anywhere? Maybe an Asian grocery has fresh ones. Anyway should I ever make him a stirfry or spring rolls, he'll get fresh ingredients all around except the water chestnuts.

He doesn't seem to like salads much...he'll get pissy with Hells Kitchen contestants who only serve him a salad as their signature dish. He wants to see some cooking done, that will show him what a chef knows about timing, technique, etc.

ETA: Unca Raymee...chill. Also, unless you've worked in a professional kitchen, you may not have any idea how dead on the timing has to be to keep things running smoothly. Even though I was only a humble dishpit/salad/dessert/dogsbody at The Brigadoon, I sure learned a lot just from watching. You should see that kitchen on Mother's Day, it's brutal. Four of us dishwashers, three on the hot side, and it's nonstop. I'm amazed Marc doesn't explode more often.

Also, it's TV, and finally, the man has amazingly high standards, and if someone in HK continually f***ed up the scallops for the third time in a row for the same table, which in turn fucks over every other station and slows the kitchen to a halt...I can't say I wouldn't be screaming at them too. Hey, Marco Pierre White reduced HIM to tears when he was a mere 20-yr-old sous chef.

Besides, in Master Chef, he takes a much more mentorly role with contestants. Actually you should PM JulietNN if you have questions about what he's like

Message edited by author 2015-06-30 19:02:18.
06/30/2015 07:18:07 PM · #15
Originally posted by snaffles:



ETA: Unca Raymee...chill. Also, unless you've worked in a professional kitchen, you may not have any idea how dead on the timing has to be to keep things running smoothly. Even though I was only a humble dishpit/salad/dessert/dogsbody at The Brigadoon, I sure learned a lot just from watching. You should see that kitchen on Mother's Day, it's brutal. Four of us dishwashers, three on the hot side, and it's nonstop. I'm amazed Marc doesn't explode more often.


I was a dessert chef in one of my past lives. Not wanting to put up with that **** for the rest of my life is what motivated me to finish college. If Gordon Ramsay showed up at my door, I'd probably tell him to **** cook it for himself, or get the **** out.

Message edited by author 2015-06-30 19:18:17.
06/30/2015 07:28:41 PM · #16
It would be totally awesome if Gordon Ramsey showed up at my door! After the initial "what the hell?" I would have to tell him that although I really really want to like to cook, I don't have the time or the energy after all the other things I want to do more but that I would be more than happy to open my cupboards up to him to see what he could cook up for me! Or is that just too rude and I should say "get the **** out?"
06/30/2015 07:32:31 PM · #17
@Cory there is a taco place just outside the bleeker street subway station, killer fish tacos. Everytime in NYC I happen to make that stop.

If Gordo came tonight, he would have had ginger teriyaki salmon, charred to perfection on the grill, with grilled chicken as well, all over baby greens, with crumbked blue cheese, dried cranberries and heirloom cherry tomatoes. And a cole zero. (Its a weeknight).
06/30/2015 07:37:44 PM · #18
I'd treat him like one of the kids, I'd tell him that he will eat what ever we are having and to not complain or he can go to his room! Take that Ramsey! Tonight, I have a couple of whole chickens in the smoker, almost done so if he shows up I am set.
06/30/2015 07:41:28 PM · #19
Grog have female make Gordun Ramzee best dish evur. Fresh (kind uv) mammoth cookeded over speshul selekted woods until bad smel goes uway. Gordun may sit at big rok in front uv cave with Grog and Thag tonite.
06/30/2015 08:03:38 PM · #20
Well, I am not a cook... tonight trying to grill our chicken I caught the grill on fire and that almost caught our new screen porch on fire... smoke was everywhere hahaha

Supposed to be hubbys night off from cooking... epic... fail.............

Message edited by author 2015-06-30 20:04:15.
06/30/2015 08:03:48 PM · #21
From one of those whose TV usage is about 3-4 hours a week, (Jeopardy and one other) the question really is: Why are we trying to impress this guy?

But, to answer the question - take tonight.
Some good breadcrumbs (from your own bread is best)
Chop some onions, add some frozen green spring garlic & some spices, toast in the oven for a few minutes, add one sausage patty, thawed at the same time and grind to coarse crumbs.
Grab some zucchini, not enough? quarter a green pepper. Stuff all with mixture, bake for about 20 or so minutes.
At half-time during the women's FIFA World's cup, check if it's done. If so, pull it all out and enjoy!
If your celebrity chef likes good soccer/football invite the entity to dine.

ETA: Okay, in the heat of the World Cup, I forgot to add an egg to this impromptu recipe. If you try this at home, add the egg to the stuffing.

Message edited by author 2015-06-30 20:17:49.
06/30/2015 08:49:36 PM · #22
Originally posted by sfalice:


If your celebrity chef likes good soccer/football invite the entity to dine.

Yup, he used to be professional soccer player.
06/30/2015 09:03:37 PM · #23
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Originally posted by sfalice:


If your celebrity chef likes good soccer/football invite the entity to dine.

Yup, he used to be professional soccer player.

Well, there you are, then. I'll invite the entity to dinner! But would add the egg.
:)
That will be Sunday when the USA meets the other semi-finalist for the final game.
Gol' durn, we WON! And weren't those women fantastic!

Message edited by author 2015-06-30 21:07:09.
06/30/2015 09:06:25 PM · #24
Originally posted by RayEthier:

Is that that screaming piece of .... that I see on TV once in a while.

I would cook Nada for him and if he spoke to me the way he speaks to his underlings he might end up having to find someone to unlodge my boot from his arse.

I don't like him much.

Ray


Best response. Only thing I'd do differently is I'd get my husband to lodge his boot up his arse.
06/30/2015 09:17:18 PM · #25
Originally posted by snaffles:


ETA: Unca Raymee...chill. Also, unless you've worked in a professional kitchen, you may not have any idea how dead on the timing has to be to keep things running smoothly.


I see, must be a lot more stressful than say picking up body parts or being the site commander during a full blown riot...sorry, I never realized just how tough this line of work was.

My apologies.

Ray
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