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11/25/2008 08:00:04 PM · #1 |
heeheehee, It's been a while, but I just got one of these e-mails-
Chevron Texaco Oil and Gas Company,
#2 Chevron Drive Lekki Peninsula PMB 12825.
LAGOS STATE , NIGERIA.
FROM THE DESK OF CHEVRON-TEXACO LOTTERY DEPARTMENT.
ATTENTION:Winner,
We wish to inform you that you are one of our lucky winners of
SEP 2008 CHEVRON-TEXACO LOTTERY, Which Was Held In NIGERIA .
Your email address was attached to secrete pin number:CHT141419651307,with serial
number CHTX5073-11,drew the lucky numbers TX0148192583,and consequently won
you the lottery in the first winning category.
You have been approve for alump sum of $1,000.000 Million U.S Dollars.
Endeavour to contact your claims agent with your;
(1)FULL NAME,
(2)TEL
(3)AGE/SEX,
(4)OCCUPATION,
(5)COUNTRY.
SEND TO AGENT NAME: MR. MARK ADAMS.
E-MAIL:clm-ag_markadams@hotmail.com
TEL: +234-59-864-143
Yours Sincere.
Femi Odumabo
(Public Affairs).
AND HERE IS MY RESPONSE---
Mr. Adams,
This is most wonderful news! And the timing could not be any more varnicerous. You see, my wifes gynecologist just informed me that I am in dire need of a triple testicle transplant. With this moneys, I can now afford to upgrade to the premium testicle package! I will be the envy of my village! And there should be enough left over to buy twinkies and a new chair. My heart soars like an eagle. Please send me the money right away so I can start making my appointments to have my scrotum shorn before the operation. Thank-you, thank-you, thankyou Mr. Adammms, you are an angel! I think I love you.
sincerely,
Arthur Dent
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11/25/2008 08:03:01 PM · #2 |
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11/25/2008 08:04:52 PM · #3 |
| funny response, but I hope you used an email account that you'll never want to use again ;) |
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11/25/2008 08:07:12 PM · #4 |
Damn. I buy Nigerian lottery tickets every week and never win anything.
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11/25/2008 08:09:02 PM · #5 |
That is funny! Forget the email address...they already had it anyway or he would have never gotten the original email.
Let me know how your testicle operation goes. I want to add a fifth testicle but my original doctor passed away and I need to find a new one.
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
funny response, but I hope you used an email account that you'll never want to use again ;) |
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11/25/2008 08:20:06 PM · #6 |
Originally posted by taterbug:
heeheehee, It's been a while, but I just got one of these e-mails-
Chevron Texaco Oil and Gas Company,
#2 Chevron Drive Lekki Peninsula PMB 12825.
LAGOS STATE , NIGERIA.
FROM THE DESK OF CHEVRON-TEXACO LOTTERY DEPARTMENT.
ATTENTION:Winner,
We wish to inform you that you are one of our lucky winners of
SEP 2008 CHEVRON-TEXACO LOTTERY, Which Was Held In NIGERIA .
Your email address was attached to secrete pin number:CHT141419651307,with serial
number CHTX5073-11,drew the lucky numbers TX0148192583,and consequently won
you the lottery in the first winning category.
You have been approve for alump sum of $1,000.000 Million U.S Dollars.
Endeavour to contact your claims agent with your;
(1)FULL NAME,
(2)TEL
(3)AGE/SEX,
(4)OCCUPATION,
(5)COUNTRY.
SEND TO AGENT NAME: MR. MARK ADAMS.
E-MAIL:clm-ag_markadams@hotmail.com
TEL: +234-59-864-143
Yours Sincere.
Femi Odumabo
(Public Affairs).
AND HERE IS MY RESPONSE---
Mr. Adams,
This is most wonderful news! And the timing could not be any more varnicerous. You see, my wifes gynecologist just informed me that I am in dire need of a triple testicle transplant. With this moneys, I can now afford to upgrade to the premium testicle package! I will be the envy of my village! And there should be enough left over to buy twinkies and a new chair. My heart soars like an eagle. Please send me the money right away so I can start making my appointments to have my scrotum shorn before the operation. Thank-you, thank-you, thankyou Mr. Adammms, you are an angel! I think I love you.
sincerely,
Arthur Dent |
Dude,
beware, someone is trying to rip you off... I won that lottery last week. I'm just waiting for the money to be deposited in my account. Seriously someones trying to scam you. |
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11/25/2008 08:20:59 PM · #7 |
Originally posted by kenskid:
That is funny! Forget the email address...they already had it anyway or he would have never gotten the original email.
Let me know how your testicle operation goes. I want to add a fifth testicle but my original doctor passed away and I need to find a new one.
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
funny response, but I hope you used an email account that you'll never want to use again ;) |
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ahh, but if you don't respond and ignore it, generally it doesn't get put into the "THIS ONE'S ALIVE!" bin. |
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11/25/2008 08:22:54 PM · #8 |
| let's see how long you can keep em on the hook...just don't send any banking info!!! |
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11/25/2008 08:23:32 PM · #9 |
I wouldn't worry...it would be fun to see the thread he's created by answering.
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
Originally posted by kenskid:
That is funny! Forget the email address...they already had it anyway or he would have never gotten the original email.
Let me know how your testicle operation goes. I want to add a fifth testicle but my original doctor passed away and I need to find a new one.
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
funny response, but I hope you used an email account that you'll never want to use again ;) |
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ahh, but if you don't respond and ignore it, generally it doesn't get put into the "THIS ONE'S ALIVE!" bin. |
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11/25/2008 08:29:16 PM · #10 |
| Someone somewhere just had a big laugh in Nigeria. Or was it on one of those hijacked oil ships? ;-) |
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11/25/2008 08:55:03 PM · #11 |
lol one of the best responses to these E-mails I've seen so far lol .. hilarious :)
It pisses me off how they get our E-mail addresses .. I opened an E-mail account for testing purposes that never sent a single E-mail out of it. after a month a started getting spam mails .. mannnnnnnnnnnnn
lol thanks for sharing, |
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11/25/2008 09:03:36 PM · #12 |
Oh that was sweet. Laughed alump. Secretedly. Truly varnicerous.
Message edited by author 2008-11-25 21:04:20. |
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11/25/2008 09:09:28 PM · #13 |
check out this website for those who baited the scammers :)
it gave me lots of laughs
//www.419eater.com/html/trophy_room.htm
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11/25/2008 09:55:37 PM · #14 |
| Thats to funny... I've never been offered anything like that but i have been offered several cars for free! Did you really send that back to the sender? That would be very funny! Hehe! |
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11/25/2008 10:09:44 PM · #15 |
Originally posted by Strikeslip:
Damn. I buy Nigerian lottery tickets every week and never win anything. |
You are too funny! |
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11/25/2008 10:22:26 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by iamwoman:
Originally posted by Strikeslip:
Damn. I buy Nigerian lottery tickets every week and never win anything. |
You are too funny! |
This begs the question... Has anyone ever won a Nigerian lottery? |
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11/25/2008 11:23:48 PM · #17 |
Yeah...the prize was a shrunkin head.
Originally posted by bvy:
Originally posted by iamwoman:
Originally posted by Strikeslip:
Damn. I buy Nigerian lottery tickets every week and never win anything. |
You are too funny! |
This begs the question... Has anyone ever won a Nigerian lottery? |
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11/25/2008 11:35:10 PM · #18 |
Will you have enough for a towel also…BTW Perfect response.
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11/27/2008 01:19:21 AM · #19 |
So, the story continues- (WARNING- MY RESPONSE BELOW IS RUDE, CRUDE, GRAPHIC, OFFENSIVE, OFF COLOR, AND PLAIN GROSS, READ ON AT YOUR OWN PERIL)
From the lottery guy-
Chevron Texaco Oil and Gas Company,
#2 Chevron Drive Lekki Peninsula PMB 12825.LAGOS STATE , NIGERIA. FROM THE DESK OF CHEVRON-TEXACO LOTTERY DEPARTMENT. Dear Arthur Dent, You are required to fill the form below and send scanned copy of either your driver's licence,I.d Card, international passport (photo page) or any other legally identifying document and send to us for identification purposes by the Courier delivery Company to deliver your parcel. pls note that the secret question and answer will be asked at the point of delivery by the Courier Delivery Team/Men on the spot of delivery before handing your parcel funds over to you.NAME OF RECIEVER
RECIEVER ADDRESS/COUNTRY
DIRECT PHONE #
SECRET QUESTION
ANSWER
Once again,the entire staff and i of this company Congratulates you as been one of this Month's Lottery Winner.I did be incharge of your Lottery Winnings Funds.Do feel very free to call me at anytime you so desire for any clearification. Best Regards, MR MARK ADAMS.(Lottery Claims Agent).+234-805-986-4143.
AND, MY REPLY-
Ah, my dearest, studly little Mr. Adams,
It is so good to hear from you so quickly-dickly! I am so anxious to get my 1,000.000 US dollars. I have been doing some figuring, and I think even after my gonad operations, chair and plenty of twinkies, there will be some significant US dollars left over. It is so exciting. I am thinking of taking my wife's cousin on vacation to my own private Idaho. She is homely like a warthog, but puts out after 1 or 2 PBR's. And the good thing is, my wife doesn't mind me plowing her ugly cousin, because it gives her weeping sores time to stop weeping. You are such a great person. When you come to deliver my US Dollars to me, I think I will kiss you right in the ear! Then I will take you out to dinner here. I will take you to a very special mexican restaurant near my place, it is quite romantic and the food is exquisite. The place is called Taco Bell. Maybe after a couple of PBR's, we can plow each other, that would be great fun. I think we may have a wonderful future together. Would you like to go to my private Idaho with me? There is a lot of PBR there, the plowing would be very gelatinous.
Anyways, here is my information that you require-
Name of Reciever- Dent, Arthur Dent
Reciever Address/Country- 1600 Pennsyvania Ave. , DC, America (FucK YEaH !!)
Direct Phone #- 1-800-328-7448
Secret Question- Excuse me sir, would you plow my hiney?
Answer- Why yes, I would, I have a load of pineapples right here!
I can't wait to see you and get my US Dollars!
See you soon,
With respect and affection,
Your loving plow boy,
Arthur
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11/27/2008 04:16:38 AM · #20 |
Whilst I did not roll, I *did* fall to the floor laughing.
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11/27/2008 04:58:02 AM · #21 |
Do you have a towel?
Love the phone number too. |
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11/27/2008 06:02:17 AM · #22 |
That's hilarious.
I actually received a telephone call one of these wherein the caller explained that "the mystical voices" had told him that I was in great danger from evil people around me who wanted to kill me but that he would help me through prayers and incantations but that I would need to first buy a cow and two sheep, slaughter them, give the meat to the poor and then send him the skins to use during the incantations. When I asked him how I was going to send him the skins, he acknowledged that this could pose a problem and that he would be happy to buy the cow and sheep for me, slaughter them on my behalf and give the meat to the poor but that I would have to send him the money to buy them so that it would morally and spiritually count as my sacrifice. So I guess he was not actually a scammer because ever since I sent him the money, no one has tried to kill me so far! |
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11/27/2008 07:48:21 AM · #23 |
Originally posted by NathanW:
Do you have a towel?
Love the phone number too. |
Yeah, eat-sh*t. Never would have thought of that.
Can't wait to see if this goes further.
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11/27/2008 10:31:46 AM · #24 |
Next installment-
Chevron Texaco Oil and Gas Company,
#2 Chevron Drive Lekki Peninsula PMB 12825.LAGOS STATE , NIGERIA.+234-805-986-4143. FROM THE DESK OF CHEVRON-TEXACO LOTTERY DEPARTMENT. Dear Arthur Dent, This is to inform you that we have contacted a VERY GOOD Courier Company based here in Nigeria which is ..FEDEX COURIER EXPRESS SERVICES. As regards the delivery of your parcel funds to your address which you have provided to us for that purpose. Please find charges of both company below and make your choice. 1. FEDEX COURIER EXPRESS SERVICES. 1..24 HOURS DELIVERY.(1 day). CHARGE FOR PACKING $90.00 U.S DOLLARS
VAT $85.00 U.S DOLLARS
SHIPPMENT $235.00 U.S DOLLARS
TOTAL $410.00 U.S DOLLARS
2.. 48 HOURS DELIVERY.(2days). CHARGE FOR PACKING $50.00 U.S DOLLARS
VAT $70.00 U.S DOLLARS
SHIPPMENT $190.00 U.S DOLLARS
TOTAL $310.00 U.S DOLLARS
3. 72 HOURS DELIVERY.(3 days). CHARGE FOR PACKING $40.00 U.S DOLLARS
VAT $60.00 U.S DOLLARS
SHIPPMENT $150.00 U.S DOLLARS
TOTAL $250.00 U.S DOLLARS
We advice you to pick out and let us know your choice for delivery before the courier company can proceed with your delivery. Best Regards,MR MARK ADAMS,(Lottery Claims Agent).+234-805-986-4143.
AND, MY RESPONSE-
Hello my lovely Mr. Adams,
It is so gelatinous to hear from you so soon. I am so happy and excited, my spleen quivers like a dab of green jello on the tip of a laughing whores nose. I can't wait to get my money in my hands. I have no problem sending you some money to allow our splendid transaction, after all, a few hundred, or even a few thousand is nothing compared to the 1,000.000 US Dollars that I will soon have. I am afraid we can't use FEDEX though, it is against my religion to use shipping companies. Besides, I heard they were involved in Lincoln's assassination. Plus, my wife's cousin used them once. You know, the one that likes to drink PBRs and bump uglies by the dumpster behind Taco Bell. She had ordered a case of live gerbils from Rod Stewart to give as Christmas presents last year, and they stole some of the gerbils! Why don't you just bring me the US Dollars. It would be a nice vacation for you. I will send you how ever much money you need to travel here. Plus a nice little bonus for the personal service. Do you think 25.000 US Dollars would be enough? You could stay in a nice hotel and order twinkies and green jello from room service. You would love it here, besides, I want to show you the dumpster behind Taco Bell. Maybe you can even take a gerbil home with you.
flatulently yours,
your loyal friend and pineapple stuffer,
Arthur
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11/27/2008 10:35:41 AM · #25 |
Too funny!
I can't believe they keep replying to you!
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