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03/05/2016 08:19:57 PM · #1 |
Okay, this starter joke is from an ancient thread, first visited on our DPC community by  Brad
I miss Brad, btw, always a fun and good competitor. Hope he wanders by once in a while.
I'm sure you can come up with some more to enliven this new thread.
Never ask a Grandma in Mississippi
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if
they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand.
He approached her & asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, & frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me.You lie, you cheat on your wife, & you manipulate people & talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room & asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, & he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone & his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife
with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a
very quiet voice said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I'll send you to the electric chair!" |
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03/05/2016 08:38:59 PM · #2 |
I don't know about "new" jokes, but here's a topical 12 year-old classic from this thread ...
Originally posted by artvet:
Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything
inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers.
Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable. |
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