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12/04/2005 09:59:40 PM · #1 |
A quote from Noggin in another thread reminded me of one that I've been wanting to start.
I collect colloquialisms; and would love to add some more to my collection.
Here's the one that got me started
"Get a rock and rock them to sleep"
Here are a couple of favorites that my grandma used to say:
"I'd like to cut that dog's tail off...right behind his ears."
"I'm foxier than a fresh f*#@ed fox in a forest fire".
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12/04/2005 10:11:21 PM · #2 |
Well... I have some that I say, because my mom said them, because her mom said them...etc. etc. etc. ;)
In relation to size of an object:
"No bigger than a minute"
"Big as Ike"
In relation to temperature:
"Colder than a welldigger's a$$ in the Klondikes"
"Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra"
"Sweating like (or hotter than) a whore in church"
In relation to mental or emotional state:
"One brick shy of a load"
"one apple short of a cart"
"Useful as hen $hit on a pump handle"
"slicker than owl $hit"
"Mad as an old wet hen"
"Happy as a puppy with two peters"
"Couldn't pour pi$$ out of a boot with the directions on the heel"
"Can't tell his a$$ from a hole in the ground"
"couldn't carry a tune in a bucket"
Miscellaneous:
"This ain't my first rodeo"
"ain't no step for a stepper"
"Fine as frog's hair"
"Scarce as hen's teeth"
"I'm gonna jerk a knot in your tail"
"busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest"
I'm sure I will think of other things they said all the time...it'll just take a while to remember my colorful childhood. ;)
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12/04/2005 10:12:45 PM · #3 |
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12/04/2005 10:13:41 PM · #4 |
Originally posted by greatandsmall:
Here are a couple of favorites that my grandma used to say:
"I'm foxier than a fresh f*#@ed fox in a forest fire". |
Granny Roxanne was a peppy lass, eh? :)
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12/04/2005 10:16:19 PM · #5 |
Thanks Laurie,
I'm laughing my a$$ off!
My family used some of those too, and some are new to me. They bring to mind others:
Busier than a one legged man in a sh%# kicking contest.
As useless as tits on a bull.
Keep 'em comin. |
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12/04/2005 10:17:59 PM · #6 |
Originally posted by alfresco:
Originally posted by greatandsmall:
Here are a couple of favorites that my grandma used to say:
"I'm foxier than a fresh f*#@ed fox in a forest fire". |
Granny Roxanne was a peppy lass, eh? :) |
Yeah, she was a live wire! ;) |
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12/04/2005 10:24:12 PM · #7 |
I work with a guy who kills sayings, like there's no manana.
I once heard him say...(spoken with a thick, Brooklyn Italian accent)
"...there's two sides to every bird"
and of course
"...every stone has two birds" |
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12/04/2005 11:38:35 PM · #8 |
"That dog don't hunt..."
"He'd gripe with a ham under each arm."
"She's hotter than a popcorn fart."
R. |
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12/04/2005 11:53:19 PM · #9 |
"Couldn't tell the time with an arm full of wrist watches"
"The world isn't round, flat or oval...........it's crooked"
"Dumber than a bag of hammers"
"Thicker than two short planks"
"If brains were dynamite...that lad couldn't blow his nose"
Ray
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12/05/2005 01:10:55 AM · #10 |
some of my favourites that i have learnt around here (rural ky) are:
"if it was rain soup, i'd/they'd be outside with a fork"
"f*** him and feed him beans"(and try as i might i have yet to find someone that can explain the reasoning behind that one)
to add to Lauries mental states
"not the brightest crayon in the pack"
"he's not playing with a full deck of cards"
"a sandwich shy of a picnic"
and to quote some Carnivale - and g&s, you should really check out the transcripts because that show was full of gems.
"... gives me the creeping willies" |
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12/05/2005 01:51:04 AM · #11 |
Originally posted by mesmeraj:
"f*** him and feed him beans"(and try as i might i have yet to find someone that can explain the reasoning behind that one) |
Well, if you assume "unnatural" sex (I'm trying to be delicate here) then a certain orifice would become dilated, and then if you feed him beans the flatulence would be very embarassing, I believe is what they're after with this one. Sorry to be so graphic :-(
R. |
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12/05/2005 01:53:02 AM · #12 |
Originally posted by laurielblack:
In relation to mental or emotional state:
"One brick shy of a load"
"one apple short of a cart"
"Useful as hen $hit on a pump handle"
"slicker than owl $hit"
"Mad as an old wet hen"
"Happy as a puppy with two peters"
"Couldn't pour pi$$ out of a boot with the directions on the heel"
"Can't tell his a$$ from a hole in the ground"
"couldn't carry a tune in a bucket"
;) |
You forgot as we say here... a few sandwiches short of a picnic and few too many kangaroos jumping around in the top paddock. LOL
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12/05/2005 07:24:23 AM · #13 |
can't tell sh*t from shinola
can't make chicken salad from chicken sh*t
My dad has quite a colorful collection.
I'm sure I'll think of more |
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12/05/2005 07:32:39 AM · #14 |
on the football (soccer) pitch:
"he couldn't score in a brothel"
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12/05/2005 09:23:29 AM · #15 |
One of my hubby's family's favorites:
"$hit in one hand and wish in the other and see which gets full first."
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12/05/2005 10:10:47 AM · #16 |
Originally posted by laurielblack:
"Happy as a puppy with two peters" |
This one just cracked me up. :-) |
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12/05/2005 10:30:49 AM · #17 |
i remember this one from grade school :
if brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to drive a piss ant's go-cart around the inside of a cheerio.
one of my mom's favorites :
if? if frogs had wings, they wouldn't bump their a$$ when they jumped...
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12/05/2005 10:34:31 AM · #18 |
Here's a couple more scatalogical ones.
You can't polish a turd.
Oops...Saracat already did the other one.
Message edited by author 2005-12-05 12:07:59. |
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12/05/2005 10:36:25 AM · #19 |
My dad used to say, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think".
On my ex-husband, "He's a gold-plated, diamond-studded, triple-distilled SOB". (Only he didn't say SOB!)
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12/05/2005 11:08:32 AM · #20 |
(Lack of) Intelligence:
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
One brick short of a full load.
Couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag with a hole in it.
Making Decisions:
Like nailing jelly to a tree...
Put a stick in the ground.
As soon as pigs fly.
Screwed:
Up the creek without a paddle.
All dressed up and no place to go.
Bases loaded and no one at bat.
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12/05/2005 11:11:23 AM · #21 |
"A$$ to my Elbow" (We were late because the detour took us A$$ to My Elbow to get here) - This may be a South Central New Hampshire thing....
"Well, spank my bottom with a wooden spoon and call me frisky."
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12/05/2005 11:18:54 AM · #22 |
Father-in-Laws Colorful favs
Full of shit like a Christmas goose.
He's a good ole shit, but who ever liked shit
A fartin horse will never tire and a fartin man is the man to hire.
Get off the table Mabel the 2 bucks is for the beer.
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12/05/2005 11:24:30 AM · #23 |
On difficulty;
It's like putting socks on a rooster
On mental state;
He's a bubble off plumb
On the rat race
I'm busier than a cat covering scat |
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12/05/2005 11:30:52 AM · #24 |
Originally posted by KaDi:
Couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag with a hole in it.
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my mom uses one similar to comment on my dad's sense of direction (or lack thereof...)
he couldn't find his way out of a wet paper bag.
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12/05/2005 11:32:49 AM · #25 |
As sure as there's shit in a cat.
A stone's throw from a rock fight.
Like pulling hens' teeth.
Message edited by author 2005-12-05 11:34:45. |
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