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DPChallenge Forums >> Rant >> My husband WAS missing
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Showing posts 26 - 46 of 46, (reverse)
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 07/07/2004 08:36:14 PM · #26
The woman stayed out in the parking lot. He told me that he needed to talk to me long before he got home. He had left that message on the answering machine. Anyway, I heard him come through the door and I grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him into a wall and slapped him on the face several times. Then I proceeded to go outside and yell at the skanky woman that was out there. I guess I must look to good for him or something cuz she smelled really bad and she had her kids in the car and they looked like they were not well taken care of. Anyway..she claims she did not sleep with him and that he slept in a motel. She didn't know he was married and that if she did she would not have done this at all. Claiming that her husband did this to her a couple years ago. Anyway he got the crap knocked out of him..and we are still talking about it. I don't know what to think. But thank y ou so much for your support!
07/07/2004 08:50:30 PM · #27
like the sand through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.
 07/07/2004 08:56:32 PM · #28
life in the 21st century is damn hard. its a confusing and backwards time we live in today.
good luck to you.

just out of curiosity, was your husband stationed in iraq?
 07/07/2004 09:17:39 PM · #29
He was stationed in Iraq from October 2003 to March 2004. Not too long. And he is not mentally ill from that. And I have treated him as well as I know how. Said he had a "breakdown" or "breaking point". Still wont' explain to me what that means. Guess I may never know.
07/07/2004 09:40:09 PM · #30
Originally posted by crazycrystal1977:
He was stationed in Iraq from October 2003 to March 2004. Not too long. And he is not mentally ill from that. And I have treated him as well as I know how. Said he had a "breakdown" or "breaking point". Still wont' explain to me what that means. Guess I may never know.


Breakdown or breaking point pretty much says he needs some help. Both those terms make me think of situational depression which doesn't mean he is mentally ill. Means he could be depressed from the things he saw in Iraq and simply needs to find counseling on his own. He can even appear totally normal most of the time and only have something trigger it for the depression to set in. Nothing you can do will help him with that. If you really love him make him go to a local hospital with a crisis center and talk to them about everything. They can refer him to a local counselor.

As for your behavior when he got home. Lucky for you he didn't call the police and have you charged with domestic violence. Slapping him was definately something you should not have done and could have had very bad consequences on your behalf.
07/07/2004 09:56:23 PM · #31
i think he knew coming to OUR home with another girl..that he had been with for the weekend (9 hours from home I might mention)..deserved a "slap in the face" if you will. If I did something like that..I would expect it too. If he wanted a marraige he needed to act like it. He is institutionalized right now for "mental reasons".
07/07/2004 10:00:31 PM · #32
Originally posted by crazycrystal1977:
i think he knew coming to OUR home with another girl..that he had been with for the weekend (9 hours from home I might mention)..deserved a "slap in the face" if you will. If I did something like that..I would expect it too. If he wanted a marraige he needed to act like it. He is institutionalized right now for "mental reasons".


He did deserve it, Anna! Crystal is correct in all she says, he needed and should have expected it. When I'm married, if my husband came home with another woman (with circumstances like hers) I would punch him!
07/07/2004 10:02:50 PM · #33
THANK YOU AMI!
 07/07/2004 10:16:45 PM · #34
Slapping, even deserved, never solves anything, I guarantee it. Talking, however, can resolve everything. Try it.
 07/07/2004 10:23:10 PM · #35
Oh, we've talked and talked and talked. I am still somewhat mad as I did nothing that I can think of for this to happen. And he keeps telling me it's not me. Anyway, I get to see him for an hour a day. FUN!!.. I am here to support him in his mental issue(s). but will not allow another "breakdown" like this again.

07/07/2004 10:34:45 PM · #36
Oh no, I agree, talking IS best. But my first reaction would be to give him what he deserves. Then we can talk it out. Granted, this is only if there has been sufficient events in the past to back it up.
 07/07/2004 10:46:05 PM · #37
All I can say Crystal is the man is a fool he obviously had a great, caring and kind person in his life which he will lose through his actions.I have been there Crystal so keep your head up, there are still some nice people left in the world and with their support you will get through this.
Keep your chin up
RP.
 07/07/2004 10:48:57 PM · #38
Originally posted by Ami Yuy:
Oh no, I agree, talking IS best. But my first reaction would be to give him what he deserves. Then we can talk it out. Granted, this is only if there has been sufficient events in the past to back it up.


I pitty your future husband. Pay first, explain later.
 07/07/2004 10:49:45 PM · #39
Originally posted by StevePax:
Slapping, even deserved, never solves anything, I guarantee it. Talking, however, can resolve everything. Try it.


indeed/agreed

you also may want to cut him a little slack considering what he did, saw and delt with in Iraq. in case you havnt been watching the news, its an ugly situation, stress and mental breakdowns are common place Lawmakers: Pentagon pushing reserves to breaking point
 07/08/2004 01:13:10 AM · #40
what's he being treated for? Who's treating him and how are they treating him? Are they categorizing this as war related? Why did he do this and what's become of the other women and her kids? Was he drinking or drugging the night he did this? Has he shown remorse?

Personally, I think you did the right thing. A slap is meant to sting and shows him your anger and hurt, which in this case, is justified, even if he truly has a mental problem. I doubt that any man who's received one of those has ever been injured from one, although I'm sure it's possible.

I"ve seen situations like this where once this is tolerated by the spouse, it's done repeatedly. When it comes to something like this, I don't believe in giving second chances...right away, that is. You can remain supportive of him, but you don't have to return to the same roles you were before this event. If this were done to me, the sanctity of the relationship would be most upset and I don't know if I could get the good feelings back. Again, you don't have to stop supporting him, but you can change the relationship in a way that you're comfortable with.
 07/08/2004 03:26:19 AM · #41
He has had mental issues before going to Iraq. Or even being in the Army. The psychologist is saying he is "bipolar, manic depressive and possibly a touch of scitzo (spelled wrong but you know). The other woman is long gone...dont care about her a bit. He does not drink or do drugs..he is very against that. He has indeed shown remorse and cried and cried about it. He has begged my forgiveness. Forgiving to me is the easy part...it's forgetting that is hard.

07/08/2004 08:26:22 AM · #42
Originally posted by crazycrystal1977:
He has had mental issues before going to Iraq. Or even being in the Army. The psychologist is saying he is "bipolar, manic depressive and possibly a touch of scitzo (spelled wrong but you know). The other woman is long gone...dont care about her a bit. He does not drink or do drugs..he is very against that. He has indeed shown remorse and cried and cried about it. He has begged my forgiveness. Forgiving to me is the easy part...it's forgetting that is hard.


From what you have just said right here that slap was definately not deserved! You need to understand his problems and start acting like the caring wife you claim to be and not the controling abusive wife you were when you slapped him.

No matter how mad you were hitting him will take a lot longer to forget than what he did to you. BELIEVE ME! I lived in an abusive relationship and I can forget everything he ever did to me with one exception I can't forget when he hit me.

Now stop your whining about his missing and stop being the control freak and turn into the loving wife you want every one to think you are. You might want to start out in some counseling on your own just to learn how not to SLAP someone who is bipolar just because they had an episode and that's what it sounds like a bipolar episode.

Oh and by the way, what you are doing here to him is a good example of emotional abuse by making your problems so public. Cut him some slack and give him some breathing room to recover instead of continuing on with abusing him by trying to publicly humiliate him for simply being bipolar and having an episode of "darkness."
07/08/2004 08:45:54 AM · #43
Have you been able accept and deal with his previous mood swings? Does he take the medication that's been prescribed for him and is he under control for his illness? Is he normally a loving and supportive husband in ways that you are satisfied with?
 07/08/2004 09:06:04 AM · #44
I agree with Anna.
Crystal, I would hope that you have a network of friends or family that would be able to help you thru this emotional time. No matter how close you might feel you are to a community of this type(internet), we are no replacement for real people. I feel that you might have some issues yourself that would be better addressed if you would seek professional help. And if you want your marriage to prosper, it might be a good idea to become active in your husband's medical treatment.
There is no reason for anyone to physically abuse another person.
 07/08/2004 01:42:36 PM · #45
Holy SH*T...I am not abusive by any means. Normally he is a very sweet and very loving husband. something clicked...ya'll let's end this forum...
 07/08/2004 01:48:23 PM · #46
I'm locking this thread per crystal's last message. I would hide it too, but I haven't been asked to.
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