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04/19/2011 12:51:04 PM · #1 |
Addiction is not a disease until you are trying to make it go away. When you have absolutely no desire to be a useful member of society, you do not have a disease. You have an addiction. Addiction doesn't become a disease until you are MAKING AN EFFORT to get rid of it. Sitting on the couch, stuffing yourself with potato chips and calling everyone and their cousin, asking for money (which you buy meth with anyway), IS NOT MAKING AN EFFORT TO RECOVER. If you want money, get a job. If you have enough strength in your body to scour the countryside looking for a meth dealer, YOU HAVE ENOUGH STRENGTH TO DRIVE TO TOWN AND GET A JOB! When you steal EVERYTHING of value from your CHILDREN'S BEDROOMS and go sell it at the pawn shop, YOU HAD BETTER HAVE SOME DAMN FOOD ON THE STOVE WHEN WE GET HOME FROM SCHOOL! CHIPS AND SODA ARE NOT FOOD!!! When you get an EBT card, and list your children as being dependant upon that EBT card, YOU HAD BETTER FEED YOUR CHILDREN! When you tell me that there is insurance on a vehicle, THERE HAD BETTER BE REAL INSURANCE ON THE VEHICLE! "INTENDING" TO PUT INSURANCE ON THE VEHICLE MEANS NOTHING TO THE COP WHO PULLS ME OVER!!! And right now, you get to sit in jail, living off of everyone else, while I'm living at Grandma's, trying to scrape enough together for my own place and recover from everything you have put me through. The way I feel is nothing compared to the way my brother feels. HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR SON?! HE IS 5'7" AND WEIGHS 90LBS! LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME YOU TOOK GOOD CARE OF HIM!!! HE WILL NEVER BE NORMAL AGAIN! Our house was so beautiful when I was little, and now it's packed full of garbage and animal crap. It's all your fault, nobody else's. YOU did it on your own. Nobody made you. YOU did meth, you made a conscious decision to take it, and still you blame EVERYONE ELSE for what you did. You ruined our lives and made us financially crippled and emotionally scarred. You did it ALL ON YOUR OWN, and you can't blame anyone else. And now you're in jail living off of everyone else, like you always have. You've never done anything for anyone else. Your number one interest has always been yourself, and I will never EVER forgive you. If the sheriff called me and said you'd hung yourself with a sock, I'm not sure if I could even pretend to be sad about it. You are such a headache to everyone, that I think the most likely reaction would be a sigh of relief. You will never recover, because you have never wanted to. You know exactly what to say to get off the hook every time, and the second you're out, you pick up your phone and call your meth dealer, and the cycle starts all over again. You've never shown the slightest bit of remourse for anything you've done, or anyone you've hurt. Everything in your world is about YOU.
I used to daydream about some cheerful, plump little man knocking on my doorstep and saying, "Hi! I'm your real dad! Let's go fishing together!" But I know now that it will never happen. I am stuck with a parasite for a father. Oh well. Not everything can be perfect. |
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04/19/2011 01:10:07 PM · #2 |
As much as we would like to and as much as we may try, we ultimately have little control over others attitudes and behavior. Probably the best you can do is to recognize it and become a better man than he is. Don't let the bitterness eat you up. I also know it is easier said than done. It's a tough spot to be in.
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04/19/2011 01:46:13 PM · #3 |
I'm generally a very forgiving person. Atleast I like to think so. But for some reason, I can't bring myself to let this go. I feel like I've been punished brutally (by having to live like this) for something I didn't do.
This happens so often nowadays, it's like people aren't even surprised anymore. "Did you hear, John Smith spent Little Billy's college money on drugs." "Ah, that. Such a shame." And then the conversation shifts. It's too commonplace nowadays. I'm glad I was a teenager before it got too bad, because there are plenty of little kids who don't ever get to experience a real childhood because their parents are on drugs. And of course the environment they are raised in is what is familiar to them, and they often end up doing the same thing when they are older. D: |
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04/19/2011 01:54:46 PM · #4 |
| Very sorry to hear about your situation, Lindsey. I agree- it's all too common. My two cents: don't worry about forgiveness - just focus on your life and making the best of it and helping your siblings do the same. Nobody deserves this and again, I am sorry you are going through it. |
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04/19/2011 02:22:18 PM · #5 |
My apologies for making making an assumption that you were a son. I think the mention of fishing is what threw me off.
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04/19/2011 02:23:35 PM · #6 |
I still have my horse and I still have my little camera, both of which are huge stress relievers for me. I think I was lucky to get away with that much. It still feels good to complain though.
I have to give him one thing, he stole alot of my stuff that was worth money, but he didn't steal anything of mine that had any real sentimental value. So he must have a real human being trapped somewhere inside of him, to leave me with the things that really mattered to me. If he had been a different person, he might well have gone after my camera, but he didn't. I don't know what I would have done if he did. I can't imagine not having a camera. |
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04/19/2011 02:25:11 PM · #7 |
Originally posted by Yo_Spiff:
My apologies for making making an assumption that you were a son. I think the mention of fishing is what threw me off. |
Lol! Totally fine. I know there is a way to give my little icon guy a girly hairdo, but I don't know how to do it. TBH, I don't know why I said fishing rather than going for a walk or something more neutral. |
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04/19/2011 02:28:48 PM · #8 |
Hey, girls fish too! I used to take my daughter fishing :-)
R. |
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04/19/2011 02:29:02 PM · #9 |
Originally posted by Tolt:
Lol! Totally fine. I know there is a way to give my little icon guy a girly hairdo, but I don't know how to do it. TBH |
Declare your gender under My Home->Preferences |
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04/19/2011 03:00:34 PM · #10 |
Originally posted by Bear_Music:
Hey, girls fish too! I used to take my daughter fishing :-) |
Very true. I stand guilty as charged of gender stereotyping.
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04/19/2011 03:15:06 PM · #11 |
Thanks for the directions. I shant be mistaken for a guy again. :)
It's probably a bit unladylike to post a violent rant about drugs and fathers, LOL. Anyone would have come to the same conclusion. |
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04/19/2011 03:21:04 PM · #12 |
I understand where you are coming from. Exactly where you are coming from.
Fortunately for me I have a very wonderful dad that did his best to offset the damage my mother was always so intent upon doing to herself and others. I'm still quite angry at her for what she's done to his life and the effective squandering of what could have been an amazing life.
The good news is that eventually you'll cease to be angry at your dad for what he's done to you, and if you're anything like myself, will find that hatred replaced by a very genuine sorrow for your dad. The anger for what he has done to others that you care about will never go away, best you can do is to confront the anger and try to deal with it however you can.
If you ever feel like you need some "been there, done that" personal chatter/advice/whatever, feel free to PM me, I'm always available - my advice, however, may or may not be useful. :) |
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04/19/2011 03:30:46 PM · #13 |
Originally posted by Cory:
..The good news is that eventually you'll cease to be angry at your dad for what he's done to you, and if you're anything like myself, will find that hatred replaced by a very genuine sorrow for your dad. The anger for what he has done to others that you care about will never go away, best you can do is to confront the anger and try to deal with it however you can... |
This is huge. My grandpa (dad's dad) was exactly like my dad, but with alcohol instead of meth. I never liked him AT ALL because he was so awful to my grandma, and I asked my uncle how he could even stand to look at him and he said, "When I was little, I was afraid of him. When I was a bit older, I was angry at him. Now I just feel sorry for him." And I kind of thought in my head, he's still angry, he just says he feels sorry for him.
Right now, I can't imagine feeling sorry for my dad at all, because he did it to himself. But you and my uncle have both had more time to reflect on your respective experiences, and if that's how you both happen to feel, I'm sure I'll get there too someday.
I am the kind of person who just likes to talk. I talk about anything and everything, and at times I ramble on like an old man at the VFW. So you might end up with more than you bargained for, with an offer to talk, LOL. |
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04/19/2011 03:46:51 PM · #14 |
Originally posted by Tolt:
I am the kind of person who just likes to talk. I talk about anything and everything, and at times I ramble on like an old man at the VFW. So you might end up with more than you bargained for, with an offer to talk, LOL. |
Bring it on. ;) |
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04/19/2011 04:38:07 PM · #15 |
| Okay. You asked for it! :) |
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04/19/2011 04:57:03 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by Tolt:
Okay. You asked for it! :) |
:) |
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04/19/2011 09:31:25 PM · #17 |
btw -- that's not a dad. That might be a guy who donated some sperm. But that's not a dad. Best thing to do is get out and don't look back. Imo, you don't have to feel sorry for him, you don't have to try to fix him, you don't have to have anything to do with him.
He's not a dad. |
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04/19/2011 10:18:29 PM · #18 |
One thing that I think is always hard to take from things like this that happen in life is that we can't fall into the trap of blaming later things on the past and using it as a crutch, an excuse for ourselves. Controlling your own destiny is what needs to be done, and what (from what you've said) you fault your father for not doing, so always remember that you are directing things. Resist that temptation to rationalize responsibility away.
I'm not implying you are doing this, but it's something that I think everybody has a predilection to do. I know I have.
It's not the knocks you take so much as what you take from them. |
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04/19/2011 10:39:55 PM · #19 |
Sorry I can't be of more help...except to say that my dad was/is an alcoholic and he left my mom with 7 kids when I was 10 ! It was likely the best thing that could happen at the time. We struggled but all 7 are doing fine !
On your stress relief....let's see some of those shots. Many times "art" produced from emotions you feel at the time of capture turn out to be very good ! |
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04/19/2011 10:53:46 PM · #20 |
Lindsey, I can so feel your pain.
And... I agree... kids deserve a head start in life... free from meth and full of love.
BUT... sometimes that does not happen. I am totally sorry that this did not happen for you. TOTALLY. I am crying now, actually...
But... what you make of your life is... well... it's up to you now, isn't it?
Do IT ALL!!! Make your life the BEST it can be! I dare you. *grin*
I double dog dare you. *grin*
And ... I hug you... REALLY closely... *sigh*
Carry on... pray for your dad. Meth is something that is so strong... I can't imagine...
You are strong. Show it.
Prove it.
Go, Lindsey! GO! Live LIFE!!!
(((hugs)))
Life is good... even when it's not. |
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04/19/2011 11:18:27 PM · #21 |
| I thought that was an excellent rant. Waiting for some excellent Samsung pics. |
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04/20/2011 09:41:42 AM · #22 |
First, you and your brother are in my prayers.
Second, you are now an adult and you need to take charge of your life.
Third, don't forget you will need to get mental, emotional help to make sure you don't meet and fall in love with someone like your dad and repeat the cycle. Don't become a co-dependent.
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04/20/2011 09:50:59 AM · #23 |
Originally posted by Nullix:
First, you and your brother are in my prayers.
Second, you are now an adult and you need to take charge of your life.
Third, don't forget you will need to get mental, emotional help to make sure you don't meet and fall in love with someone like your dad and repeat the cycle. Don't become a co-dependent. |
Exactly!! I could never understand why people repeat the cycle. Your dad should have learned from his dad what NOT to do. But cycles are repeated all the time. I think it's because it's what people know and they fall into the same pattern.
DO NOT settle for second, third, forth best. Stand up for yourself, make something of yourself, and break the cycle. You are worth it! |
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04/20/2011 01:13:02 PM · #24 |
This is the friendliest site I've ever been on in my life. Everyone is so supportive.
Personally, I am not worried about myself as much as my brother. He already smokes pot, and he's on a million different perscription medications for anxiety, depression, sleep, etc. and he's sooooo skinny. He says he smokes pot because otherwise he has no appetite. :( I'm not doing too bad compared to him. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do any drugs and I'm not on any perscriptions. I'm in a relationship with someone already, Marshall, who is a great guy and has fallen victim to my dad's sticky fingers on numerous occasions. My dad more-or-less tried to sell me to Marshall's parents once, but he doesn't remember doing that. My grandma visited him yesterday (I'm not ready to see him, I'll say something I'll regret) and he didn't even know where he was or what he was doing. The meds they give him to get him off the meth are as bad as the meth itself. They say it will take a year before he can function like a human, and it takes three years before he will be "as good as he will get", but he'll never be completely normal. He was on it too long.
People say that meth addicts have hollowed out faces and scars all over and look 80.. I think most people getting away with meth look totally normal, and that's how they don't get caught. My dad is heavy-set and totally looks his age. He was an alcoholic before he was a meth addict. He used to go to AA meetings WHILE he was high on meth. He has AA coins up the wazoo, a framed seventh step prayer, etc. It's so hard for me to understand how he could break that addiction but not this one.
My grandma has four sons including my dad. One is a police officer, one is a game warden, and one is the BEST Mr. Fixit you could ever imagine - and he's in the Minnesota fishing hall of fame. My grandma said to me a few days ago, "How could your dad watch his own dad ruin his life and then turn around and do the same thing? What did I do to raise him like that?" And I said, "Grandma, three out of four kids is pretty good, considering what their father was like." and I actually got a laugh out of her.
You know what I'm quickly realising about this site.. My photos are very low-grade, amateur, pre-hobby type photos.. But the ones I take by accident are heaps better than the ones I take with a specific challenge in mind. I'M DOOMED! LOL! |
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04/20/2011 01:23:46 PM · #25 |
Originally posted by Tolt:
This is the friendliest site I've ever been on in my life. Everyone is so supportive.
...
You know what I'm quickly realising about this site.. My photos are very low-grade, amateur, pre-hobby type photos.. But the ones I take by accident are heaps better than the ones I take with a specific challenge in mind. I'M DOOMED! LOL! |
Sounds like you're getting the idea pretty quickly.. :) Welcome to heaven and hell. DPC |
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