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05/28/2005 10:50:54 PM · #1 |
In the past few months I'm just constantly bored. I can't find pleasure in the things I used to enjoy (Music, working out, movies, photography, PC games, etc). I tend to alienate my friends, even though I'm supposed to be out having a good time with them. And this might sound bizarre but I hardly get turned on by girls anymore...
I'm studying medicine in a great school but now I don't think it's important, even though school has always been my top priority. I slack off constantly, and subsequent poor exam scores doesn't bother me.
My attitude towards life in general is "what's the point?" The idea of becoming a doctor doesn't excite me at all, but I have no other dreams or ambitions to pursue... I love my friends and family but recently they all bore me to death. Everyday I walk around feeling like I don't know where I'm going (in life). I have a happy home, an active lifestyle, and I hate all of it!!!
Why is this personality decay happening to me? I've always been a healthy and optimistic guy and I don't take any medications. What do I really want out of life? I'm so tired of trying to answer that question.
Posting this on DPC probably won't lead anywhere, but thanks for reading anyway. God Bless!
Message edited by author 2005-05-29 21:42:23.
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05/28/2005 10:55:33 PM · #2 |
Do what I do ... drink beer.
Or you should see student aid and talk this through with someone. Sounds like you're in the dumps. It happened to me this year. I moved my office to the basement because I had to turn my home office into a second baby room. After two months, I was totally fried. All I was lacking was light, so I went back to work in a bank branch.
Best bet it so seek help to see what seems to be the problem. Could be a chemical imbalance too.
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05/28/2005 10:57:47 PM · #3 |
Have you seen your doctor? I know that it's easy for me to tell you what I think you should do, being on the outside and all...but I really think you have described many of the symptoms of depression in your post. Depression happens to us all. It's not anything to be ashamed of, and it is treatable. Medication is not always necessary. There are many ways to tackle the beast, and by you asking for help, you are well on your way to gaining control. Please don't delay. Call your doctor, make an appointment, and explain what you just posted to him/her. Feelings like yours don't usually go away if you ignore them, and if anything, get worse if left bottled up inside. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck, and post often so we know you're doing OK. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk with. Take care!! :o)
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05/28/2005 11:04:59 PM · #4 |
To my untrained eye, what you are describing sounds a lot like clinical depression. As a medical student I'm sure you are aware that depression is not just something you can expect to go away -- it is a medical condition that requires proper professional care and treatment.
Talk to your doctor or someone at your campus health center. He or she should be able to provide you with pharmaceutical and/or non-pharmaceutical treatments that will help you get back to the self you're used to being.
-Terry
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05/28/2005 11:11:44 PM · #5 |
I want to see a doctor/shrink, but a lot of people recommend against it because they supposedly just give you pills to take... Other people have also recommended going away or doing something "I wouldn't normally do;" maybe I will try it this summer lol.
And thank you for praying for me Laurie; my prayers are usually occupied by other people, so It's good to know someone will be praying for me!
Message edited by author 2005-05-29 21:42:32.
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05/28/2005 11:15:29 PM · #6 |
I agree that you sound as though you have clinical depression, and pills are not the only route but DO see your doctor. You may have a chemical imabalance? I suffered for years, and only recently found the root cause - an underactive thyroid.
Take care;) Kate |
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05/28/2005 11:22:33 PM · #7 |
| I have no training whatsoever in medicine and very little in psychology, but you have just described me in my sophomore year in college. Yes, it does sound like depression, and no I didn't "take anything" to get out of it. Hang in there, I'll join my prayers with Laurie's/ |
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05/28/2005 11:26:04 PM · #8 |
Originally posted by peterish:
I want to see a doctor/shrink, but a lot of people recommend against it because they supposedly just give you pills to take... Other people have also recommended going away or doing something "I wouldn't normally do;" maybe I will try it this summer lol.
And thank you for praying for me Laurie; my prayers are usually occupied by other people, so It's good to know someone will be praying for me! |
A good doctor will work with you help you find treatment that you are comfortable with and that treats the problem. If you are not comfortable with the idea of medication, tell your doctor that. If you believe that medication should be only part of a larger approach, tell him or her that as well.
If your doctor will not work with you to find a treatment you are comfortable with, then find another who will.
-Terry
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05/28/2005 11:40:57 PM · #9 |
yeah this summer I'm definitely going on some trips, and hopefully I'll have enough cash to get a Rebel XT to bring on these trips.
I hope some dirty fun will be enough to jolt me out of this hole; if not then I guess I'll drag myself to the doc.
And thank you to you too karma; It's a relief to know I'm not alone lol.
Message edited by author 2005-05-28 23:41:44. |
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05/29/2005 12:00:18 AM · #10 |
((((perterish)))) okay, a virtual hug may not help, but probably won't hurt. (I'm a mom. It's what I do.)
If you are a spiritual person, you might try talking to God, your pastor or try a retreat. If you write, you might try journaling. Do you have good friends you can really be open with? Talk to them. The suggestions for a Dr. or counselor on campus are also good.
I hate being depressed or sort of "shut down". I really feel like I'm wasting life when that happens (which, of course, makes me more depressed!) I hope you are soon viewing life with a passion again.
In any case, you know you always have care and support here.
Message edited by author 2005-05-29 00:10:27. |
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05/29/2005 12:03:37 AM · #11 |
Check your e-mail... I PMed you with my thoughts & response.
Please don't feel like you're the only one who's ever felt this way, because you're not. There are people out there who understand what you're going through more than you know and they can only offer their own perspectives, but you might be surprised at how relevant some of their insights can be...
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05/29/2005 12:03:50 AM · #12 |
Are you burnt out? Are you always doing something, but never taking the time to just relax with a beer and sunset? Is what you're doing making you happy and satisfied?
Originally posted by peterish:
Why is this personality decay happening to me? I've always been a healthy and optimistic guy and I don't take any medications. What do I really want out of life? I'm so tired of trying to answer that question.
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05/29/2005 12:16:11 AM · #13 |
These are basically challenges that one wants to work out for themselves. Look, life is not so easily grasped. The moment you think you know what you are, what you want to do and what you want to be you will then face the sum of the convictions that brought you to that state. The quality of the convictions are constantly tested.
Now, it is all dependent on your attitude towards life. There are many modes but they generally fall into two categories: Those that force their will and pursue whatever it is that they think may make them happy or those that accept what comes their way by merely accepting their lot.
These two approaches have their merits and their drawbacks. Those that try to make a dream come true may realize that by the time it reaches fruition their entire needs have changed because of a weakness in the conviction factor. Those that accept their lot are driven to break the long strains of monotony by reaching for a superflous adventure.
The secret lies in the quality of your convictions. However, most of us do not invest much time in this practice. We mostly believe that if we desire and we work towards the goal it will be attained. This is often true but there is no guarantee that a goal will make us happy.
It does not matter which way we chose to live or what our makeup is. There is never a straight line to any achievemnet. There is always an internal shake up that tends to want to lead us astray.
The best examples of goals, achievements and overcoming the odds are to be found in mythology, specially the Hero Figures. They show a disposition willing to overcome all odds and they indulge their trials and tribulations with courage and gusto.
All that I mean to say, is that our needs and our dreams are ever changing. It is certain we can not follow them all and so in order to survive we must be selective and conquer what we committed lest we awake with a new dream everyday. We can not chase them all.
Believe me, no matter what your approach, rest assured, that even those who are in top of their game will experience cycles of great uncertainty with their inner emotions. They will wonder if their dreams are still worth the sacrifice.
These cycles are endless but in your case, I would say finish with what you are doing and get your degree. As you approach the coming years you will then see the possibilities available to you.
The rut visits us all but our vision must transcend this perverse spoiler whose powers are really weak if we only look past it.
Message edited by author 2005-05-29 00:19:14. |
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05/29/2005 12:20:19 AM · #14 |
Originally posted by jpochard:
If you are a spiritual person, you might try talking to God, your pastor or try a retreat. |
I'll second that - even if you're not a spiritual person. Regardless of what the world would have you believe, God has much better prescriptions than the drugs and crackpot diagnosis you get from doctors - that has been my experience and witness without exception. :)
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05/29/2005 12:32:52 AM · #15 |
Wow - go graphicfunk... well said. I'm not sure I've ever heard it put so succinctly.
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05/29/2005 12:43:43 AM · #16 |
peter
For me the thing that brings me out of that feeling is to find someone that needs help, someone who has needs and try to do something for them. Nothing comes close to bringing fulfulment to me than this. Ususally when I find myself in this dispair I look at myself and sure enough I find that I've been just trying to make myself happy and satisfied. It seems that these things can only be given, not taken.
I know that if you have family you are probably doing this already. But try it with a different perspective. Those people will change and be different because you are giving. And you will change and be better because you are giving. If you are trying to achieve goals for yourself you may find that you may reach them and still not be satisfied, like graphicfunk pointed out.
What's the point even to this? I don't know. But the results I see from giving makes me feel that one day I will know why.
brian |
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05/29/2005 02:29:28 AM · #17 |
Dear Peter,
what you are describing IS a depression. I know this because, I'm still recovering from mine. Reading your post is like reading about what I went through.
Please seek professional help. This might be tough but please, do it! The worst thing you can do, is to keep this for yourself. Act now, depression involves many viscious circles and if you let patterns set in, the harder it will be to recover from it.
Depression will also lead to isolation, because you might fear others reactions, but if you isolate yourself from others, this will only reinforce your feeling of abandonment.
Please find someone you feel you can trust talking to. Your close ones might not be the ones to help you. Many of my friends actually made it worst by trying to help me because they wanted me so much to feel better while they did not understand how hard it was... I felt weak for not being able to achieve this. It can be very subtle. That's why you need professional help. They know how to deal with this and support you no matter how insignificant your improvements may seem. This will not change overnight. It's a very slow process and it can be very frustrating since there are ups and downs (mostly downs unfortunately) but you need not to give-up.
If you ever need to talk to someone who will not judge you in any negative way, please feel free to PM me or anybody here that you feel at ease with (luckily for you, you allready have a lot of people who offered). If needed, we could chat via MSN messenger. I'm offering this because I know what it's like to need to talk to someone and not having anybody available at the time.
Remember, this is a slow and frustrating process so please don't give up even if things don't seem to improve in a noticeable way. I wish you all the luck and courage to hang in there and I hope things will get better for you eventually.
-Simon |
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05/29/2005 03:07:38 AM · #18 |
I'm also a former clinical depression sufferer. You need a good fiagnosis from a clinic or doctor that specializes in this sort of thing. Many times the cause is a simple chemical imbalance. Just like too much caffeine can make you jittery, too much (or too little) of naturally produced hormones/chemicals and have a huge effect on your mental well-being. This isn't always the answer, but it needs to be investigated.
What graphicfunk has to say covers the "other" aspect of it extraordinarily well.
Good luck to you!
Robt.
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05/29/2005 03:58:06 AM · #19 |
wow! So many peoplw here who have felt the same way and I am one too, along with my daughter and husband, all at different times for different reasons, I agree completelyn that you describe clinical depression and in fact describe it almst perfectly!
We found that however much support family and friends give you , if you are not going to throw away all you have worked for during the past years, you MUST get professional help. Yes we all ended up taking medication but this did not affect our lives in any way except for gradually lifting that cloud and making us see positives and laugh again. We are all off of pills now, have not become addicted to anything and are all much more sympathetic to others who suffer any form of mental health problems. We also found a great deal of help from counselling. Talking to someone who is not emotionally involved with you is wonderfully liberating ! You can really tell them how you feel without worrying about upsetting them, without fear they will no longer care for you when you REALLY say what you are feeling and thinking and knowing what you say stays there and goes no further.
Your life and age at present are the usual background for this to happen and it creeps up on you quietly until you suddenly realise you are not happy, not the person you were ir want to be and life seems pointless and just no fun any more. Go and see a doctor you can speak to, Your university will help direct you to one (at least they do in UK not sure of the set up in US) or a student group will have details. Theyhave seen this a thousand times before - you can see from this thread thaT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE!
Ditto email me if you want a shoulder to rant on- mine are pretty broad and I have seenthis from both sides.
love & hugs
Pauline |
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05/29/2005 07:40:03 AM · #20 |
Another thing that may lead to signs of depression is a lack of sunlight (as Jacko alluded to). If you're spending most of your time indoors studying and working, and mainly going out only at night, you may want to consider that a lack of sunlight may be contributing to your feelings. I know this is possible b/c it's something I go through every winter unless I consciously make an effort to get some sun - not much, just about 20 min a day, bettter if it's in the morning.
I think you should still seek professional help, because this is nothing to screw around with, but taking a 15-20 min break during the day OUTSIDE cannot hurt, and may in fact give you some help, however mild it may be. And while you're seeing your doctor(s), have your vitamin and mineral levels checked. It may be something as simple as that.
There is nothing wrong with seeking help for depression - no nore so than it would be wrong to seek help for a broken arm or a case of appendicitis.
You'll be in my prayers. Please keep us updated.
Hugs,
Sara
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05/29/2005 07:49:25 AM · #21 |
Can I just say (apart from the amazing and positive advice that's already been given), that drugs aren't necessarily always a bad thing??
Sometimes they're great (when prescribed by a doctor who has actually LISTENED to you), they give you that "step up", when you can see that you're depressed, you can feel it, you can ADMIT it, you want to get out, but you don't know how. I thought they were pills that would stop me being me, but they were pills that HELPED me be the real me again.
thanks |
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05/29/2005 09:19:51 AM · #22 |
Originally posted by peterish:
I want to see a doctor/shrink, but a lot of people recommend against it because they supposedly just give you pills to take... |
There's a difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist - one will be more inclined to talk you through your issues and maybe prescribe something while the other will be more inclined to go ahead and prescribe something for you. Maybe one type of doctor would work better for you than the other? |
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05/29/2005 09:25:48 AM · #23 |
Originally posted by moswyn:
Originally posted by peterish:
I want to see a doctor/shrink, but a lot of people recommend against it because they supposedly just give you pills to take... |
There's a difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist - one will be more inclined to talk you through your issues and maybe prescribe something while the other will be more inclined to go ahead and prescribe something for you. Maybe one type of doctor would work better for you than the other? |
You're right, there is a difference. A psychologist will not -- can not write a prescription, since he or she is not a medical doctor. A psychiatrist has that option available.
-Terry
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05/29/2005 09:31:36 AM · #24 |
| You may want to be tested for things that can affect your testosterone levels. My brother had a similar personality change over the last couple of years. He was recently diagnosed with a tumor on his pituitary gland. They say he has the testosterone of a 70 year old man..he is only 43. His treatment looks very favorable. Not trying to scare you with this. Just saying you should get get checked out physically and not simply write it off to depression or spiritual woes. |
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05/29/2005 09:35:44 AM · #25 |
Originally posted by Balibee:
Can I just say (apart from the amazing and positive advice that's already been given), that drugs aren't necessarily always a bad thing??
Sometimes they're great (when prescribed by a doctor who has actually LISTENED to you), they give you that "step up", when you can see that you're depressed, you can feel it, you can ADMIT it, you want to get out, but you don't know how. I thought they were pills that would stop me being me, but they were pills that HELPED me be the real me again.
thanks |
What Alison said is very true, with the help of a good doctor pills can be very benifical. Not to go into too much detail but this time last year I suffered from 'reactive depression' this was due to an event in my life that caused me to look for a very drastic solution to my problem. In the event I did go and see my doctor and he was brilliant. I was on Prozac for 3 months. What Prozac did for me was to be like I was before I suffered. They are not 'happy pills' but just help you to be your old self and they are not instant, they take about 2 weeks before you feel more like your old self. I had no problem coming off them and have not taken anything else since. Talk to someone, hell talk to anyone who will lend you a ear, get 'it' off your chest.
You can always pm me and we can talk or I can talk to you on the phone - its not a problem that will dissapear overnight but it will go away and you will be your old self again.
Mike
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