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DPChallenge Forums >> Rant >> Zero sympathy for my roommate
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10/11/2011 01:46:09 AM · #1
Okay... So here is the thing... I have a roommate here in school who I cannot stand. He annoys me to no end but I don't make it known to him and hide my dislike towards him pretty well. I have been told by other people that he actually speaks highly of me when talking about me.

The reason I don't like him is because he is not the type of person I enjoy to be around. Very hypocritical, loud, and talks about things to me that I just don't care about but I nod my head and smile. Again I like to keep things civil in the room so that I avoid potential problems.

This is where the "zero sympathy" comes in...

I attend a Christian school here in Florida and one of the rules here is you can not have premarital sex (you sign a contract saying that you won't). He walks in tonight around 1:00am here. He notices I am still awake and starts to spill the news...

Roommate - "Dude... I think I got that girl I told you about pregnant. I am so scared that I will get kicked out of school! She has not talked to me since we had sex and randomly she texted me today and said she missed her period. What do I do?!?!"

Before I go on I want to say that I am never like this to the kid. Normally I just say a few words and leave it be (as said before) but this time I had no sympathy. Okay now my response....

Me - "You get what you deserve, bro! You are a religious guy more than me so you claim yet you tell me about how many people you have had sex with along with the next one that you are going to attempt to get in bed. I don't get how you can sit there and think to yourself that this was a good idea to not only have sex with her before marriage but also unprotected sex. If you are looking for sympathy I am not the one to go to."

Needless to say he shut up about it and laid down on his bed where he proceeded to close his eyes and what looks like fall asleep...

I want to know what everyone else's opinion on this is... Was I in the wrong? Was I too harsh? Should I have just nodded my head and said just a few little words like I normally do?

P.s. - I am open to criticism on how I acted so if you think I was in the wrong please let me know... I am always willing to try and improve my character.

Thank you in advanced.
10/11/2011 02:51:16 AM · #2
It sounds like you spoke your mind and you were honest. I think we would be better off if more people did that. I think that people can be honest and speak their mind without being hurtful in the process. If the other party has their feelings hurt, they need a thicker skin.

However, if your roommate was shocked by your comment, maybe he wouldn't have been if you had been more up front from the beginning.

Lastly, you said you don't like hypocritical behavior. Is it "Christian" to turn your back on someone in need of guidance? WWJD?
10/11/2011 03:09:57 AM · #3
I agree with most of what ' . substr('//www.dpchallenge.com/images/user_icon/21.gif', strrpos('//www.dpchallenge.com/images/user_icon/21.gif', '/') + 1) . ' jbirkman posted, but I don't think you have "turned your back on him" yet. Let your words soak in a bit and then maybe offer whatever support or guidance you can - I have no idea what that would be though - I'd want to slap him upside his head (in case you were wondering WWAD). Just continue to be honest with him, but in ways that are helpful.

I can understand you wanting to just get along and bite your tongue in a situation where you are stuck with this guy. Keep in mind that it is nearly impossible to avoid some form of hypocrisy being a Christian - we should just try to do the best we can and what is most important, IMO anyway, is not to judge others by standards none of us can adhere to - being perfect, I mean. "We all fall short, etc etc etc."

Not much, but for what it's worth. Good luck to both of you.
10/11/2011 03:32:49 AM · #4
From a personal viewpoint, I really think you need to re-read your first paragraph, think long and hard about it, and then determine if it is possible that you might be guilty of that which you accuse him of, namely being Very hypocritical.

I may be missing something here, but your own deeds are not those one would associate with good christians.

Ray
10/11/2011 03:56:01 AM · #5
I'm wondering what specifically you're referring to, Ray? That he didn't tell the guy "I don't like you and your stories bore me."? He has to live with the guy. Being honest doesn't mean you should tell everyone your every reaction to them.
10/11/2011 04:22:24 AM · #6
bah, maybe "you get what you deserve" could be considered harsh, maybe not. perhaps quote proverbs 6:27 "Can a man rake together fire into his bosom and yet his very garments not be burned?"

let the bible do the talking if he is religiously inclined
10/11/2011 04:35:51 AM · #7
It all depends on what you believe in.

If you believe in and practise the school's policies are you justified in judging him? I guess you should live by a higher power and see past your personal dislike of the guy (?)

If not, do you feel bad about it? Get some beers and play video games if you do. That should sort it out :-)
10/11/2011 04:45:20 AM · #8
I will start with a disclaimer: I am an Atheist. Having said that here are my thoughts. Is is not a teaching of Christianity to show compassion and kindness towards fellow human beings? "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone"...If I am not mistaken Jesus welcomed "sinners" (thieves, prostitutes, tax collectors, etc) at his table and even offered them forgiveness. I find it interesting when religious people who are supposed to be a "herd" following a shepherd assume the role of God and take it upon themselves to be judge, jury and executioner. People make mistakes and ultimately (hopefully) learn from them. Hypocrisy is a two way street. I'd be more concerned about what's going to happen to the potentially changed lives of the girl, your roommate and an unborn baby. In times of others suffering I find it best to show compassion and help....But I'm just a godless sinner and its just my 2 cents :)

10/11/2011 04:55:27 AM · #9
Originally posted by Art Roflmao:

I'm wondering what specifically you're referring to, Ray? That he didn't tell the guy "I don't like you and your stories bore me."? He has to live with the guy. Being honest doesn't mean you should tell everyone your every reaction to them.


Actually, one can be very up-front and honest with another person without being boorish about it. I have never had a problem telling those about me that I might not care for certain aspects of their behaviour, or that I might not wish to associate with them or participate in their lifestyles.

In this instance, from my perspective at least, the comments of the OP do not stand the test of scrutiny.

Ray
10/11/2011 05:10:26 AM · #10
Marko, if this was your son coming to you, would you respond the same way? It's hard for me to see any justification for blowing someone off like that when his (and the young lady's) world may be derailing and he shares his concerns with you. Your attitude seems to me smug and supercilious and entirely unhelpful. So much so that I believe you should be asking him for forgiveness.

It's not your job to judge him. It's not your job to rub his nose in the consequences of his actions. I'm with Ray on this one, basically your first paragraph reeks of hypocrisy; "I can't stand the dude, but I hide it so well he actually speaks highly of me!" Come ON, Marko, that's weak...

R.

Message edited by author 2011-10-11 05:11:59.
10/11/2011 05:23:18 AM · #11
Originally posted by mbrutus2009:

If you are looking for sympathy I am not the one to go to."

At least you straightened that part out with him.
10/11/2011 05:41:41 AM · #12
When I was a boy.... hehe Especially those who call themselves religious, when you get a young lady pregnant,
the "Right" thing to do was.... drumroll... MARY THE GIRL! I am amazed at everyone throwing blame or whatever around, there is a pregnant girl
with a foolish boy for her babies father, ok, not my first choice for the next generation, but is, is. Shouldn't the thoughts be on how does this child get raised best?
They have given up their lives at an early age to care for and raise another human being, time for them to turn the page on "us" and start writing the page on "baby".
p.s. I think you said the right things to him, eventually. BTW: I do not agree with any religion you have to be taught, and am amazed that people are willing to pay money to a religion. Clearly when they ask for cash, you just been scammed! Find God where it is, in nature, in life, in us all. God has never stuck its hand out begging money, thats man.
10/11/2011 05:58:20 AM · #13
How is babby formed?
10/11/2011 07:49:39 AM · #14
Originally posted by Bear_Music:

Marko, if this was your son coming to you, would you respond the same way? It's hard for me to see any justification for blowing someone off like that when his (and the young lady's) world may be derailing and he shares his concerns with you. Your attitude seems to me smug and supercilious and entirely unhelpful. So much so that I believe you should be asking him for forgiveness.

It's not your job to judge him. It's not your job to rub his nose in the consequences of his actions. I'm with Ray on this one, basically your first paragraph reeks of hypocrisy; "I can't stand the dude, but I hide it so well he actually speaks highly of me!" Come ON, Marko, that's weak...

R.


I agree with this.
10/11/2011 08:12:44 AM · #15
marko, i like you a lot and think you're a good person. maybe there is some gentle hypocrisy in the statement (i hide my contempt and he speaks highly of me) but i can certainly see how you have felt you are doing the right thing, keeping the peace and maintaining civility. i also understand how the emotion of the moment could cause you to pass judgement and let out all the repressed anger you had at his prior actions.

the question is how do you move forward from it? as other posters have suggested, there should be a measure of compassion that comes with attending a "christian school", and there should have been other thoughts than the perpetrator's "what's going to happen to me" attitude, remarkably selfish. help him understand why you "let it out" and help him see beyond his own selfish worry to the thoughts of the potential child, the potential mother.

disclaimer - i am a former JW who has become very cynical of all organized religions as a result; i think the good of each one is undeniable but intentions have become misguided and corrupted by man.
10/11/2011 08:49:42 AM · #16
It is so hard to deal with people we do not particularly like or agree with but he is at a point where he needs someone to talk to, someone who he can open up to, possibly even get some good advice. If we were not all sinners then no there was no need for a savior so judging the guy does nothing for our faith and is no help to him. Taking the time to listen and give good biblical advise can be very difficult but may be invaluable to all parties involved and you may find you have more in common than you realize. I think most people fail to realize that being a Christian does not mean we no longer sin, it merely means the price for our sins has been paid and as a result we try to live a life more worthy of the gift we were given. As hard as it can be I personally think being available to talk with the guy would serve to grow your faith and offer guidance that could be profitable to him/her and the baby's future.
10/11/2011 08:49:52 AM · #17
Marko does your roommate have other friends he confides in if you can't help him out? People do make mistakes you know. He might not live his life the way you think he should but now the problem is bigger than just him and he needs someone.
10/11/2011 09:13:18 AM · #18
I agree with a lot of things that have been said here. There are a couple of things to keep in mind:

You haven't liked your roommates actions. You think he's loud, obnoxious, and acts the way he shouldn't. Usually, people hope that type of kid has a wake up call.

Well, he's had his wake up call.

He's starting to realize that his actions have consequences. He's starting to realize that he's been doing it all wrong. He's starting to realize that he has to grow up.

Now let's see what type of person you are.

Are you the type of person that when someone hits bottom and starts getting a clue, that you turn up your nose and say "I told you so?" Or are you the type of person to try to help him turn his life around? So far you've done the I told you so route. Can you find it in yourself to help him become a better person?

Not only that, there's a girl and a baby involved in all of this. If you can't stand to think of being a voice of help and reason to him, why not think about the broader picture?

There's not much that you can do. But he could use a friend and a guide right now. Obviously his other friends haven't made an impact on him. Perhaps it's your turn and time.
10/11/2011 09:17:06 AM · #19
Your roommate's situation has become an opportunity for both of you to learn and grow. Be gentle, not judgemental. If the young lady is indeed pregnant, then there are much greater issues than his role in the drama, and that fact will likely mean that his emotional needs are likely to be ignored. He has reached out to you; be there for him. Remember, all things work together for good... while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us... love your neighbor as yourself.

This unloveable roommate might just turn out to be one of your life long friends.
10/11/2011 09:25:04 AM · #20
Just because Marko goes to a Christian school doesn't make him a saint. He is just a regular guy like you or I. You guys are persecuting him like he is the devil. Give the guy a break.

He has to live with his roommate. Of course he is going to be civil. Who would want to live with hostility all the time? I totally see where he is coming from. He even said he only says one or two words to him, a truthful sign that he is not being fake with his friendliness.

They signed a contract to no Sex. OK, fine. If this was somewhere else and his roommate came in bragging how many beers he can pound and next comes in saying "I just got a DWI". I am pretty sure you, I or Marko would have the same response.
Sorry, no sympathy from me.

Quoted from MBrutus "You get what you deserve, bro! You are a religious guy more than me so you claim yet you tell me about how many people you have had sex with along with the next one that you are going to attempt to get in bed. I don't get how you can sit there and think to yourself that this was a good idea to not only have sex with her before marriage but also unprotected sex. If you are looking for sympathy I am not the one to go to."
10/11/2011 09:36:06 AM · #21
pound to a penny the girl's not pregnant anyway, just winding up your roomy cos he's an insensitive twat.

If she is pregnant I don't know how much sympathy and understanding he needs - he's made a life choice, now's the time to live with it.
10/11/2011 09:54:07 AM · #22
Honestly, I wouldn't be very sympathetic. Maybe it's because I know way too many people who can't take responsibility for their own actions even though they knew full well what they were diving into (People driving without a seat belt while they're stoned or getting caught cheating during an exam or, in this case, no protection are good examples of behaviour which has repercussions nobody gives a rat's ass about). At the end of the day the knee jerk reaction is wanting to shake that person's shoulder and say, "Really, what did you expect to happen? Seriously?"

But in reality while brutal honesty is at times necessary (Beforethe stoned guy gets in the car to drive) in your case it's more of a I told you so which is good for venting but you're not the one who needs to vent at the moment. I'd be tempted but what's done is done and you can't change that by berating the guy.


10/11/2011 09:57:22 AM · #23
Hate the sin, love the sinner, isn't that the Christian way?



Message edited by author 2011-10-11 09:59:06.
10/11/2011 10:01:28 AM · #24
Originally posted by UrfaTheGreat:

But in reality while brutal honesty is at times necessary


It should be called "Brutus" honesty.. Sorry ;-)
10/11/2011 10:02:50 AM · #25
Originally posted by Spork99:

Hate the sin, love the sinner, isn't that the Christian way?


question for the bible scholars: Which of the 10 commandments (or any other commandment) does pre-marital sex breach?
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