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07/07/2003 01:19:48 AM · #1
I just got this from a friend...for the women you will be laughing for the men it answers what happens behind that closed door to the Ladies Room...

Public Restrooms

My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a little girl, she'd bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, never sit on a public toilet seat." And she'd demonstrate"The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I'd have peed down my leg. And we'd go home.

That was a long time ago. I've had lots of experience with public toilets since then, but I'm still not particularly fond of public toilets, especially those with powerful, red-eye sensors. Those toilets know when you want them to flush. They are psychic toilets. But I always confuse their psychic ability by following my mother's advice and assuming The Stance. The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one's bladder is especially full. This is most likely to occur after watching a full-length feature film. During the movie pee, it is nearly impossible to hold The Stance. You know what I mean. You drink a two liter cup of Diet Coke, then sit still through a three-hour saga because, for God's sake, even if you didn't wipe or wash your hands in the bathroom, you'd still miss the pivotal part of the movie or the second scene, in which they flash the leading man's naked derriere. So, you cross your legs and you hold it. And you hold it until that first credit rolls and you sprint to the bathroom, about ready to explode all over your internal organs. And at the bathroom, you find a line of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Mel Gibson's underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely.

And you finally get closer. You check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. You hope no one is doing frivolous things behind those stall doors, like blowing her nose or checking the contents of her wallet. Finally, a stall door opens and you dash, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. You hang your handbag on the door hook, yank down your pants and assume The Stance.

Relief. More relief. Then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The Stance as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off it, you reach for the toilet paper. Might as well be ready when you are done. The toilet paper dispenser is empty. Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny napkin you wiped your fingers on after eating buttered popcorn. It would have to do. You crumble it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work and your pocketbook whams you in the head. "Occupied!" you scream as you reach out for the door, dropping your buttered popcorn napkin in a puddle and falling backward, directly onto the toilet seat. You get up quickly, but it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with all the germs and life forms on the bare seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any, even if you had enough time to. And your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, "You don't know what kind of diseases you could get." And by this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain and then it suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged to China. At that point, you give up. You're finished peeing. You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a Chicklet wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the sinks with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to smile politely at this point. One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long! as the Mississippi River. You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and say warmly, "Here. You might need this."

At this time, you see your spouse, who has entered, used and exited his bathroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. "What took you so long?" he asks, annoyed. This is when you kick him sharply in the shin and go home.

This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public toilet. And it finally explains to all you men what takes us so long.
07/07/2003 01:29:31 AM · #2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

<karmat gasps for breath>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
07/07/2003 01:37:44 AM · #3
This is so me....I hate touching things in the bathroom..
hahhahahahaa
Good one!
07/07/2003 12:27:23 PM · #4
Since we are all complaining about our scores in the forum I thought I'd try to lighten up the moment and *bump* this back up
07/07/2003 01:53:00 PM · #5
What I can't figure out is why some women architects, designers, and plumbers haven't come up with some kind of solution for this problem.
07/07/2003 02:03:25 PM · #6
This reminds me of the "fun" we had last year during a trip to Disney World. My daughter, who was 3 at the time of the trip, had just gotten the whole potty training thing down to a science a few months beforehand.

When we went to Disney (actually, I think this took place at EPCOT), my wife took her to the bathroom. Those stupid motion sensors flushed while she was in the middle of her work, and FREAKED her out (and she is a very easygoing kid).

A woman we were traveling with told Carrie, "Oh, honey, that's nothing to worry about. Mickey Mouse flushes those toilets for people so they don't have to!"

So, for literally four months after that, my poor child was scared to death because she thought Mickey Mouse was hiding in every toilet she used. I can only say that it was not a very fun period of time...
07/07/2003 02:11:19 PM · #7
Originally posted by GeneralE:

What I can't figure out is why some women architects, designers, and plumbers haven't come up with some kind of solution for this problem.


It's cause the men are still doing the actual building and when they are going over budget they contact the owners and say you know you have 8 stalls in the ladies room and we could save you x amount of dollars if you let me widen the stalls and only have 6 instead of 8.

I used to work for a contractor and that really happened once where they enlarged the stalls in the ladies room on a remodel job to save the owner $4,000 in plumbing and fixtures costs.

I actually can walk into a restroom and know if a woman was involved in the design of it...It will be in soft pink, blush or peach tones most frequently if a woman was involved, there will be an abundence of stalls and the lighting is fantastic. Also the little extras are there.
07/07/2003 02:15:33 PM · #8
Originally posted by alansfreed:

This reminds me of the "fun" we had last year during a trip to Disney World. My daughter, who was 3 at the time of the trip, had just gotten the whole potty training thing down to a science a few months beforehand.

When we went to Disney (actually, I think this took place at EPCOT), my wife took her to the bathroom. Those stupid motion sensors flushed while she was in the middle of her work, and FREAKED her out (and she is a very easygoing kid).

A woman we were traveling with told Carrie, "Oh, honey, that's nothing to worry about. Mickey Mouse flushes those toilets for people so they don't have to!"

So, for literally four months after that, my poor child was scared to death because she thought Mickey Mouse was hiding in every toilet she used. I can only say that it was not a very fun period of time...


Psst Alan your wife isn't the only parent that has ever happened too. Kristopher was 4 and being a boy he was just tall enough to stand and go when he moved in mid stream and it flushed on him...scared him so bad he couldn't finish. Then I showed him how to make it flush waving my hand in front of the eye and for weeks he would wave at the potty before going so it would flush first and not while he was going. Definately wasn't a parent of a small child who came up with the eletric eye restroom.

Message edited by author 2003-07-07 14:16:03.
07/07/2003 04:01:35 PM · #9
well here in England we dont have those motion sensor things

but in some public loos, there is a dispenser where a toilet seat shaped paper tissue comes out for you to place on the seat. so you dont have to go thru the rigmarole of putting lots of sheets of tissue down .
07/07/2003 04:07:22 PM · #10
Originally posted by aurora:

well here in England we dont have those motion sensor things

but in some public loos, there is a dispenser where a toilet seat shaped paper tissue comes out for you to place on the seat. so you dont have to go thru the rigmarole of putting lots of sheets of tissue down .

Actually, almost all states require toilet seat covers be available in public accomodations.

Not asking you to alter your practices either, but it is EXTREMELY rare to actally "catch" any kind of disease just from the toilet seat.
07/07/2003 04:15:45 PM · #11
generale you mean you get the disposable tissue covers that go over the seats, everywhere?they are a rare thing here


anyway this sitting down on the toilet thing is definitely a woman thing

i hate cubicles that are so narrow, that when you do sit down on the toilet you end up hurting your knee on the sanitary bin.
why cant these be attached to door, or somewhere?

07/07/2003 04:19:48 PM · #12
Originally posted by aurora:

generale you mean you get the disposable tissue covers that go over the seats, everywhere?they are a rare thing here


anyway this sitting down on the toilet thing is definitely a woman thing

i hate cubicles that are so narrow, that when you do sit down on the toilet you end up hurting your knee on the sanitary bin.
why cant these be attached to door, or somewhere?


Yes most public restrooms in the states have the paper seat covers, well at least near me.

As for the sanitary thingy a lot of places replaced them with a little pile of small wax coated paperbags to place those kinds of things in so you can put them in the big trashcan rather than having all those pain in the you know boxes to beat your knees on and whack your elbow off of.
07/07/2003 04:22:35 PM · #13
Originally posted by GeneralE:

Originally posted by aurora:

well here in England we dont have those motion sensor things

but in some public loos, there is a dispenser where a toilet seat shaped paper tissue comes out for you to place on the seat. so you dont have to go thru the rigmarole of putting lots of sheets of tissue down .

Actually, almost all states require toilet seat covers be available in public accomodations.

Not asking you to alter your practices either, but it is EXTREMELY rare to actally "catch" any kind of disease just from the toilet seat.


I read in a useless trivia book that the stall closest to the door is usually the cleanest cause people want to be as far away from the door and other people as possible when they 'do their thing'. This has stuck with me for YEARS and I always use the stall next to the door. lol
07/07/2003 04:27:05 PM · #14
i will be starting "A better style loo" campaign soon!
now this is making me feel ashamed of my country

i do believe the theory of the stall nearest to the door is the cleanest , i have noticed this at work, that the first 2 loos are so much cleaner than all the others
07/07/2003 04:35:42 PM · #15
I remember in Chicago airport that the seats had an automatic saran wrap dispensor that would advance around the rim. You didn't even have to put paper down on the seat.

Or go the French way and just have a hole in the ground with two foot prints as a 'guide' for where to stand. These style are still pretty common in parts of Europe.
07/07/2003 04:48:35 PM · #16
There's some toilets that have the plastic cover that advance when you push the botton so the next person has a clean cover. Those are pretty cool. Talking about toilets, is anybody into Uncle John's Bathroom Readers books? You should try them, they're funny and full of REAL intersting facts. I keep one by my toilet!

June

OK, I didnt realize what I just said was in stated in the previous post.....SORRY!!!!!!!!!!

Message edited by author 2003-07-07 16:49:44.
07/07/2003 04:50:04 PM · #17
so that's why...
07/07/2003 06:38:48 PM · #18
Originally posted by OneSweetSin:

Originally posted by aurora:

generale you mean you get the disposable tissue covers that go over the seats, everywhere?they are a rare thing here


anyway this sitting down on the toilet thing is definitely a woman thing

i hate cubicles that are so narrow, that when you do sit down on the toilet you end up hurting your knee on the sanitary bin.
why cant these be attached to door, or somewhere?


Yes most public restrooms in the states have the paper seat covers, well at least near me.


We have the holders but nothing in them. They always forget to refill it!!
Grrrr...
And the soap...is it antibacterial soap? Makes you wonder! I always carry antibacterial wipes with me everywhere. I never leave home without them. :-)

And GeneralE, I think you can catch stuff from the toilets or people wouldn't be so freaked out about it. ;-)
07/07/2003 07:22:22 PM · #19
Originally posted by Sonifo:

Originally posted by OneSweetSin:

Originally posted by aurora:

generale you mean you get the disposable tissue covers that go over the seats, everywhere?they are a rare thing here


anyway this sitting down on the toilet thing is definitely a woman thing

i hate cubicles that are so narrow, that when you do sit down on the toilet you end up hurting your knee on the sanitary bin.
why cant these be attached to door, or somewhere?


Yes most public restrooms in the states have the paper seat covers, well at least near me.


We have the holders but nothing in them. They always forget to refill it!!
Grrrr...
And the soap...is it antibacterial soap? Makes you wonder! I always carry antibacterial wipes with me everywhere. I never leave home without them. :-)

And GeneralE, I think you can catch stuff from the toilets or people wouldn't be so freaked out about it. ;-)


The biggest thing that can be caught from womens restrooms is hepetitis(I probably spelled that wrong) Second thing is aids but both require the transfer of bodily liquid so if you have an open cut or scratch on your bottom then I would worry but most people are fine there.
07/07/2003 07:34:14 PM · #20
Originally posted by Sonifo:


And GeneralE, I think you can catch stuff from the toilets or people wouldn't be so freaked out about it. ;-)

I went to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and did a search for "toilet seats." I have exerpted the following four examples from the 23 links returned; you are welcome to research them further, but I have to leave for work (an hour ago!).

These are not in any way meant to discourage good common sense hygiene, but to relieve folks from unnecessary worry.

1)
You cannot get HIV:
By working with or being around someone who has HIV.
From sweat, spit, tears, clothes, drinking fountains, phones, toilet seats, or through everyday things like sharing a meal.
From insect bites or stings.
From donating blood.
From a closed-mouth kiss (but there is a very small chance of getting it from open-mouthed or "French" kissing with an infected person because of possible blood contact).

2)
How do women get bacterial vaginosis?
Not much is known about how women get BV. Women who have a new sex partner or who have had multiple sex partners are more likely to develop BV. Women who have never had sexual intercourse are rarely affected. It is not clear what role sexual activity plays in the development of BV, and there are many unanswered questions about the role that harmful bacteria play in causing BV. Women do not get BV from toilet seats, bedding, swimming pools, or from touching objects around them.

3)
Syphilis cannot be spread by toilet seats, door knobs, swimming pools, hot tubs, bath tubs, shared clothing, or eating utensils.

4)
How did I get pubic lice?
Pubic lice are usually spread through sexual contact. Rarely, infestation can be spread through contact with an infested person's bed linens, towels, or clothes. A common misbelief is that infestation can be spread by sitting on a toilet seat. This isn't likely, since lice cannot live long away from a warm human body. Also, lice do not have feet designed to walk or hold onto smooth surfaces such as toilet seats.
Infection in a young child or teenager may indicate sexual activity or sexual abuse.
07/07/2003 07:58:01 PM · #21
When I started this thread last night I did it cause the story was so amusing and so true too! As I read it now I got to point something out ever notice how WalMart always keeps the seat cover holders filled up but they also have the most paper on the floor too.
07/08/2003 12:58:30 AM · #22
Originally posted by GeneralE:

Originally posted by Sonifo:


And GeneralE, I think you can catch stuff from the toilets or people wouldn't be so freaked out about it. ;-)

I went to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and did a search for "toilet seats." I have exerpted the following four examples from the 23 links returned; you are welcome to research them further, but I have to leave for work (an hour ago!).


I would like to know how these folks know all this! I still say they are full of it. I think it is going to take a lot more info then that to get me to believe most of what they are saying. You have to understand that women do have a friend that visits them once a month and just would if it happened to get on the toilet. Well enough said. You could never convince me. :-)
07/08/2003 12:59:19 AM · #23
Originally posted by OneSweetSin:

When I started this thread last night I did it cause the story was so amusing and so true too! As I read it now I got to point something out ever notice how WalMart always keeps the seat cover holders filled up but they also have the most paper on the floor too.


I noticed today that we don't have these in our walmart. I think I will have a little talk with management. :-)
07/08/2003 01:07:32 AM · #24
Originally posted by Sonifo:

Originally posted by GeneralE:

Originally posted by Sonifo:


And GeneralE, I think you can catch stuff from the toilets or people wouldn't be so freaked out about it. ;-)

I went to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and did a search for "toilet seats." I have exerpted the following four examples from the 23 links returned; you are welcome to research them further, but I have to leave for work (an hour ago!).


I would like to know how these folks know all this! I still say they are full of it. I think it is going to take a lot more info then that to get me to believe most of what they are saying. You have to understand that women do have a friend that visits them once a month and just would if it happened to get on the toilet. Well enough said. You could never convince me. :-)

Your first and last sentences contradict each other.

I've been working in medical care and such since about 1977, and would be happy to try and answer your questions, but if I will never convince you I don't want to waste our time.
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