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DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> Make me laugh!
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01/11/2009 06:16:36 AM · #1
Two girls are sitting quite in a room.
I think this is the best joke, as girls can never sit quite.

===========================================================

napster

I didn't understand anything about women until i started listening to this guy...his dvd distills all his secrets into one great video

//www.TheSeductionKing.com/DVD
07/27/2008 09:24:14 AM · #2
Originally posted by Dirt_Diver:

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice
cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, .. . . . .

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'


L0L good one DD.
07/27/2008 08:46:41 AM · #3
Dunno if it's been posted before, but here's something you don't see every day...

Mandles
07/15/2008 12:46:57 PM · #4
The Popular Mule

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"
07/14/2008 06:27:21 PM · #5
' . substr('//images.dpchallenge.com/images_portfolio/15000-19999/19708/120/699189.jpg', strrpos('//images.dpchallenge.com/images_portfolio/15000-19999/19708/120/699189.jpg', '/') + 1) . '

:)
03/06/2008 12:46:53 PM · #6
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice
cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, .. . . . .

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
03/03/2008 09:46:26 PM · #7
HAHAHAHA Good one
03/03/2008 09:19:01 PM · #8
A young man is showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She is thrilled at the car's speed.
"If I do 200 mph, will you take off your clothes?" he smirks.
"Yes!" says his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200 mph,
she peels off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road,
the car skids onto some gravel and flips over. The naked girl is thrown
clear, but he remains jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cries.

"But I can't! I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe, " he says, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl runs down the road and finds a
service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleads to
the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

Billy-Bob -- the mechanic -- looks at the shoe and says,
"There's nothing I can do for you... he's in too far!"
02/19/2008 03:11:53 PM · #9
hahahahahhahahahahha

02/19/2008 03:08:03 PM · #10
A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks
into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar, which reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $1,000.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up
to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female
bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the old biker, "are you the young
lady who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes", she purrs, "I am."

The old biker replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
08/08/2007 12:14:58 PM · #11
Timely with ' . substr('//www.dpchallenge.com/images/user_icon/21.gif', strrpos('//www.dpchallenge.com/images/user_icon/21.gif', '/') + 1) . ' sabphoto having problems on his here in this thread.

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from
school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollipop."

The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said
"Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two
lolly pops."

She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.

The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole
bag of lollipops!"

Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought
the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"
08/04/2007 07:36:23 PM · #12
A guy was visiting with his priest and the priest was remembering that the guy had a 50th wedding anniversary was coming up. The priest asked him “what’s the answer to your long marriage?” The man answered “I took my wife to Italy on our 20th anniversary” The priest responded “that’s very nice, but what are you planning for this anniversary, I mean 50 is a big one!” The man responded “I’m going back to pick her up.”
08/04/2007 06:30:29 PM · #13
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally.

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Message edited by author 2007-08-04 18:30:46.
08/03/2007 10:54:23 PM · #14
Originally posted by sabphoto:

Originally posted by GeneralE:


Are You Smarter Than An Eighth-Grader? (of the future, that is)


lol I only got 4 of 10 right.


I have issues..

You scored 8 out of 10.
Our education system is failing.


08/03/2007 10:43:27 PM · #15
Originally posted by sabphoto:

Originally posted by GeneralE:


Are You Smarter Than An Eighth-Grader? (of the future, that is)


lol I only got 4 of 10 right.


I only got 11 (see previous link)
08/03/2007 10:34:27 PM · #16
Originally posted by GeneralE:


Are You Smarter Than An Eighth-Grader? (of the future, that is)


lol I only got 4 of 10 right.
08/03/2007 04:29:37 PM · #17
Results of the latest BBspot Poll:
Top 11 Binary Digits

Are You Smarter Than An Eighth-Grader? (of the future, that is)
08/03/2007 12:29:33 PM · #18
A young guy from New Jersey moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in New Jersey."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$101,237.65."

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK???!!!"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing........'
08/01/2007 02:17:40 AM · #19
well us here Mississippi gurls IS brutally honust...sooooo (you can translate the drawl)...moral of story? DONT ASK IF YA DONT WANNA KNOW!!! I fit that bill...ya picked the right state Mr. Brad...drop the letter thread = Mr. Bra
08/01/2007 02:16:02 AM · #20
I had to, just had to ' . substr('//img116.exs.cx/img116/1231/z7shysterical.gif', strrpos('//img116.exs.cx/img116/1231/z7shysterical.gif', '/') + 1) . '
08/01/2007 02:14:52 AM · #21
of all the Southern States you could have picked.......hoots
08/01/2007 02:12:00 AM · #22
Never ask a Grandma in Mississippi

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if
they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand.

He approached her & asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, & frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me.You lie, you cheat on your wife, & you manipulate people & talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room & asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, & he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone & his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife
with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a
very quiet voice said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I'll send you to the electric chair!"


07/31/2007 05:48:29 PM · #23
' . substr('//images.dpchallenge.com/images_challenge/410/thumb/260851.jpg', strrpos('//images.dpchallenge.com/images_challenge/410/thumb/260851.jpg', '/') + 1) . '
07/31/2007 04:01:31 PM · #24
Three men;one from Newfoundland, one from Quebec, and one from Alberta; happen upon a magic oil lamp. All three of them rubbed it and out came a genie.

"You have three wishes. There are three of you so you each get one wish."

The man from Newfoundland says "I wish that there be a wall around Newfoundland, no one comes and no one leaves."

"It is done."

The man from Quebec says "I wish for a wall to surround Quebec, no one in and no one out."

"It is done."

The man from Alberta says "I wish for both walls to be filled with water."

Message edited by author 2007-07-31 16:02:14.
07/31/2007 03:56:21 PM · #25
A middle aged wife recently got a promotion at work and needed to travel to france for business. Her husband drove her to the airport, and right before seeing her off he said to her "don't forget to bring me back something nice!"

So the wife responds "What do you want?"

The husband says "A young french girl."

The wife says nothing and leaves for france. One month later she returns and the first thing out of her husband's mouth upon her arrival is "Did you bring me back a french girl?"

The wife responds "I did everything that I could. All we can do now is wait a few months to find out if it's a girl."
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