I LOVE this portrait: the feeling, the creative positioning, everything, and I think it is underrated.
However, I think one thihg that could have helped this is if you had desaturated this AFTER adding noise, thus getting rid of the colored noise. Some find it appealing, but my guess is (and judging by the score) most people would rather have it all color or all black & white, and this is sort of both.
The only other possibility for improvement (in my opinion) is if you had left some of the shoulder in the frame. The composition, though not completely centered, does still feel somewhat centered.
Great job though, this is a very attractive shot.
-- Critique Club