|propping up the end of the bar of the Critique Club
Whilst there is undoubtedly a large amount of 80's references here, and thus a strong meeting of the challenge, I do think that your oberall composition and lighting have prevented you from scoring any higher with the voters.
First off, the three elements that really draw the eye are the faces and the mirror-ball. Those elements are all gathered at the top of frame here and slightly uncomfortably arranged - her face and his face aren't balanced with the mirror-ball, and the slightly different off-sets fromm the edge of frame also i think make for some awkwardness for the viewer. The lower part of frame, your models' legs, is badly lit - simply not bright enough, I think, and disappearing into black. That effect has the beginnings of the idea of night-club lighting, but the lack of very tighly focussed light and of any colour doesn't help with that overall effect and it ends up feeling like a mistake.
I think, perhaps, more effect could have been generated by not simply including all of the models. You seem to have framed this to get all of them in - head to toe; but what's actually important, to my eye, is only certain elements of their clothing - the skirt, her make-up, his rolled up sleeves. The overblown poses are effective for the period, but again, I don't think it entirely necessary to have full body shots to communicate that.
Perhaps also, more interaction between the two would make for a more dynamic image - they seem to be in two completely separate worlds these two people, having little to do with each other.